Tis the season of resurrections. Normally resurrecting on Easter is meant to celebrated. I figured I'd balance things out, ying and yang sort of deal. Sometimes your fears come to you late a night in your bed or in the early morning showers. They make your toes curl or bury your face in a pillow. Today they're being delivered in blog form.
11. It's not that your middle school haircut aged poorly. It sucked the whole time and everyone knew it.
10. You joined Twitter at a young age and have no idea if there's a tweet in there that could ruin your career.
9. That dude that you were worried about with your high school girlfriend banged her right after you guys broke up.
8. People haven't forgotten that you wore a fedora to the eighth grade field trip. There's pictures of it.
7. Despite all the school assemblies warning you about perverts on the World Wide Web you still consensually showed your dick on Chatroulette. Your underage wiener is somewhere on the internet forever.
6. Your middle school girlfriend still has that cheesy gift you bought her for Christmas. Sometimes her friends bring it up and they all laugh about it. It was never thoughtful, it was borderline creepy.
5. Remember that one time when you were eating at that restaurant with your family for St. Patrick's Day and the waitress referred to you as "her" because of your oily skater haircut and your boy-boobies. Then your little brother and your dad laughed at you for the rest of the dinner.
4. You only think you deleted every picture of you from that night in college. The one where you got drunk and passed out on the communal toilet naked with shit still in the bowl and puke at your feet. You can never know for sure if one of your friends still has it.
3. Everybody remembers that you used to wear your shirt in the pool at pool parties. No one believed that you accidentally fell or were pushed in every time.
2. Your dad still hasn't cashed in on his IOU from that one time you blacked out in Hoboken in a full Santa suit and your beard spray painted white. When you lost your friends and woke up to getting kicked off the train around midnight somewhere in New York. Then when you realized you had no money and your phone was dead, so you convinced a cab driver to drive you back home to New Jersey two hours away. You and the driver talked the whole time but you can't remember what was said except for when he suggested that you get him blow and go out to a bar somewhere near your house. Then after you denied his advances he dropped you off home and charged your dad over $200 for the ride. Your dad still has that over you.
1. You project your fears onto others a lot.
Good luck trying to sleep tonight after I just resurfaced all those memories for you.
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