I hate the Jets. I hate my friends because of the Jets, I hate the Jets because of my friends. Jets fans are easily the most delusional, the most arrogant, the most mindless fans in the NFL. The best months of a Jets fan's year is April-October. After the draft they start their shit talking about how they're going to go 11-5. Not this year. This is the year I make them miserable for twelve months straight. I'm going to piss on their fire before it starts.
A little bit about myself first, I'm a Rams fan. I became a fan in 2001, Greatest Show On Turf, Super Bowl, the whole nine. I was 7. Kids in the school yard were mad when I said I wanted the Rams to win the Super Bowl vs. the Patriots cause I was a "Rams fan". Everyone and their mother in the parking lot called me a frontrunner. I wasn't. I was determined to prove I wasn't, so I stuck with them. I became a fan out of spite. I even got a Marc Bulger jersey. They lost that Super Bowl of course, and only went back to playoffs two more times in my first sixteen years of fandom. I thought that I was silently cursing the
Rams and nobody knew it except me. But I stuck with them.
Being a Rams fan in New Jersey was tough. Not only cause they sucked for the better part of two decades, but because I was rarely able to watch my team. In the pre-RedZone era, in the times before two TVs in the living room, dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was forced to watch Jets games with my buddies. They constantly ragged on my poor Rams to feel better about their shitty franchise. I've been through the Pennington years, Sanchize back to back AFC Championships, the rise of Geno Smith, FitzMagic, and now their new chosen one, Sam Darnold. Years behind enemy lines gave me a new perspective on the NFL. I learned to hate the Jets just as much as I loved Rams.
Fighting with a Jets fan is rough. Arguing with them isn't based on who can make the most valid points. Their strategy is to just get louder than you until you get sick of hearing them scream and end the argument. It takes careful preparation to trap them in their own misery any earlier than Week 7. That's seven weeks too many. It all starts with the draft. There's no accountability with this fan base. They'll watch tape for weeks on prospects they want to draft, explain to you how that prospect is going to take the Jets to the next level, and then when they draft someone else? "We're going to the Super Bowl".
Today I texted all my Jet friends individually. We've been bringing up sports scenarios ever since the NBA left us at the altar, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They never suspected my ulterior motives. I sent "For the NFL draft, give me 2 picks you'd love, 1 pick you'd be ok with, and 2 nightmare picks for the Jets". Everyone willingly gave me their best Mel Kiper impression. I now have every pick they claimed would be a nightmare for the Jets. I have the receipts, here are my findings.
We can't have the smelly Jets draft Ceedee Lamb, Jerry Jeudy, Andrew Thomas or Tristan Wirfs. Jedrick Willis or Henry Ruggs they'd be ok with but after a week would still become insufferable. However! If the Jets draft K'Lavon Chaisson, AJ Epenesa, CJ Henderson, or anyone else, we win. Pretty much, if they select any defensive player in the first round they'll be miserable. For those of you keeping score at home, since 2010 the Jets have selected a defensive player with 10 of their 11 first round picks. Oh boy.
The Rams don't have a first round pick this year, and I think this is the most excited I've ever been for a draft. If the Jets select a player that any of my friends called a "nightmare pick" I will bombard them with screen shots every time they start to run their mouths. Send this text to your Jets buddies if you want to feel how I'm feeling. If the Jets draft a nightmare pick, no matter how much their fans squirm, keep the pillow over their face. You've already won, Jet Down.
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