I feel like I've just transferred into a high school mid senior year. I don't know where to sit, I ate lunch alone, and I'm terrified that everybody will make fun of me if I say the wrong thing. I normally get off on the wrong foot, first impressions aren't my strong suit. Most of my closest friends started out hating me. I'd compare myself to the old adage, that I'm like a finger in your ass. Uncomfortable at first, but you'll learn to love me.
A little about myself, I have two speeds: angry or apprehensive. Majority of my blogs will have the tone of the aforementioned, along with my opinion on random things I find funny. I was a cop for the last two years, we can get more into this at another time. It's going to be a nightmare now that that's out. The narc jokes are going to be exhausting and I haven't pre-loaded any good comebacks yet. I think I'll just have to buy a bunch of weed and offer to smoke with every co-worker I come across. My father is going to be so ashamed. He was a DARE teacher for 20+ and my very first blog I'm suggesting drugs so people will think I'm "cool". Still gonna do it though. I'm not a good weed smoker. I just think about things that freak me out and have to keep reminding myself to smile so people don't realize the conflict going on inside my head. It can't look good from the outside. So if you're a pothead reading this, some tips on where to get the "haha" weed and not the "who the fuck am I?" weed would be greatly appreciated.
Sports. I love sports. Ya know, now it feels like college syllabus week where you have to introduce yourself with a fun fact and all the guys just say what sports teams they like. I always used to lie during those. What were they going to do, call me out? They don't know me. One time I told the class I was a foreign exchange student from China. I was a 250 pound white dude with a full beard from New Jersey, and they just had to accept that I was Chinese. Getting off track, focus. I'm a Yankees, Alabama football (graduated '16), and Rams fan because underdogs are for losers. I guess I'm a Nets and Devils fan too. But like, whatever with them.
That's all for now, just a little preview. Who knows, maybe everybody was nice to me today on my first day at Barstool. I wouldn't know, I'm writing this on my Notes App on 4/17/20 at 2:20 in the morning and I have work in a couple of hours. I hope the quarantine is over by the time you're reading this. Well, no nevermind, cause that would mean I'm still pretty far away from being hired then. Actually, nevermind the nevermind, I hope they find a cure tomorrow on 4/18/20 and you're reading this from a lockdown lifted America. It was nice meeting you, I'm TKJ.
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