Sunday, April 19, 2020

I Stan No NBA King

Top 10 best NBA players of all time


I just finished watching the first two episodes of ESPN's Michael Jordan documentary, The Last Dance. Watching the adoring and crazed MJ fans made me realize that I was robbed of an essential childhood influence. I've never had a favorite NBA player. I spent my whole basketball fandom hating LeBron that I never took the time to love somebody else. 

I'm going to jump around a bit here because apparently explaining things in timelines that are hard to follow is the best way to get your NBA point across. I'm a Nets fan and Billy King ruined the league for me. If you don't know who Billy King is, then you most likely aren't a Nets or Celtics fan. He's the GM that traded three first round picks for a couple years of a declining Paul Pierce and KG. That was his magnum opus but he fucked things up way before then. Billy also traded Portland a first rounder for Gerald Wallace. That pick turned into Damian Lillard. He traded Derrick Favors, Devin Harris and two first rounders to the Jazz for Deron Williams. One of those picks turned into a 3rd overall pick in Enes Kanter. Since the Nets had Brook Lopez already, they probably would've taken Kemba Walker. Those three picks he traded to the Celtics? Turned into James Young, Jaylen Brown, two more first round picks, and Jayson Tatum. It was pretty difficult to pick a favorite player when the franchise you support is actively handing out their chances at a young superstar. Since my joy was stolen, I turned to resent. 

To be fair I hated LeBron before those trades and it isn't completely his fault. My best friend's favorite team is Bron. He follows him everywhere he goes because he loves him. Ironically enough, everybody loves my best friend, except me. I hate him. I'm going to call him E because I'm saying "best friend" too much and it's bothering me. People think E is a jolly, harmless old chap who just wants to have a good time, but I know better. He nukes drinking gatherings with NBA rhetoric. E isn't your casual merch wearing LeBron stan who doesn't understand the game. E's a swagless accountant and he's been a swagless accountant since we were 7. His arguments for LeBron are well thought out, thought provoking, and above all else, nauseating. Because of E, I have turned my back on my generation and refused to bend the knee to LeBron. 

As for Michael, I'd like to call him the greatest but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's fraudulent. What I remember of Jordan is Space Jam and his return to the Wizards. I was born in 1993. I was five when Jordan won his final ring. Which is why it bothers me when people my age throw parades for him. If you're from Chicago you get a pass, I guess. If you aren't, stop pretending like you're a "historian" of the game. You're full of shit is what you are. Pretend you watch the ESPN Classics all you want, nobody believes you. 

If you enjoy screaming LeBron over Jordan because you're basically saying our generation is greater than everybody else's, that's cool. I get it. For me personally, it just isn't possible. I don't have a player that I can crown and worship. All I have is hate in my heart, and it turns out that's entertaining enough for me. 

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