Netflix needs to chill. I don't know who's running things over there, but I'd like to ask them if they've lost their mind. I saw this movie "Love" in my recommended queue and noticed the little Top 10 picture in the corner, so I clicked on it to read the description. During my research the movie started to play in the background and just porn. Straight up porn.
The movie starts off with a woman's back laid across a man's chest. They're both naked. She's jerking the dude off, he's fingering her. Not like, ya know, it's implied under the blanket or something, you see everything. Dick and vagina on my screen. No lie, it's the first three minutes of the movie. Check for yourself if you don't believe me. When the scene cut I was half expecting the girl to ask the guy if that was enough to cover the cost of her pizza delivery.
This isn't the first offense for Netflix either. "365", also in the Netflix Top 10, is about a mafia boss who kidnaps a woman and has sex with her for a whole year until she falls in love with him. That's rape, this is what rape is. I admittedly haven't watched the movie but I have seen that clip on Twitter where he grabs the girl naked in the shower by the back of the neck and kisses her aggressively. If I did that I'd end up with a nosebleed, a restraining order, and probably jail time. I mean, have you ever even heard of Stockholm Syndrome?
So why the sudden shift? Is it because they feel threatened by HBO Max? Because let's be honest, there's a whole generation of men out there that believe anything that ends in "max" means porn. Like Cinemax, need I say more? I like to imagine the higher ups in Netflix hearing the announcement of HBO's new service and saying "Fuck it, just start streaming porn."
I just can't get over that they threw that in my face. 91% match. Ninety-fucking-one, who's doing this math? Here's my last seven things watched on Netflix: Dark, Nate Bargatze's Tennessee Kid, Bill Burr's You People Are All The Same, Avatar The Last Airbender, Daniel Sloss' Live Shows, and James Acaster's Repertoire. What the fuck about that screams 91% match. Who read that lineup and said "Make sure he watches his porn with us tonight"?
Look, I'm no prude. I'm an adult, I see naked people on a screen all the time. I'm not saying that I'm outraged and want this to be removed. But Netflix has no problem asking me "Are you still watching this?" all the time. All I'm saying is, if you're going to throw finger banging and hand jibbers on my screen, maybe preface it with a "Is your door locked?" prompt.
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