I thought about using a different picture because this graphic is hitting a little too close to home. Fuck, this is exactly what I look like. My forearms look like the big guy from Moana, everything under the shirt looks like the ghost of winter's past. The contrast is staggering. Worst part is, I just bought these big-boy tees that make me look kinda jacked but they choke up on the biceps a bit and expose my borderline see through complexion. The amount of "Have you seen your farmer's tan?"'s that I've got is getting out of control.
Of course I know what my tan looks like, that's why I keep pulling my sleeves down. What do you think I do, close my eyes when I go into the shower? Don't answer that. No one is more cognizant of the ridiculous looking farmer's tan than the person wearing it. "Well how did you get it?", fucking being at work like literally every single person ever who's had this tan.
"Why don't you fix it?", this is the worst part of acknowledging the tan. We both know why I don't balance it out so stop asking it like a dick. It's because I'm fat. Do I look like I grill with my shirt off? Of course not. Day 1 of biggon school, play your strengths.
If you ever feel the need to interrogate somebody who has a farmer's tan, here are the forever answers you're looking for. Yes I know what my skin looks like at the moment, I most likely got the tan from work, and it still looks like that because I'm overweight. Print out this cheat sheet and keep it in your wallet. Also I'm rebranding "farmer's tan" to Brawny Tawny. No further questions at this point.
No comments:
Post a Comment