I'm Going To Miss My Speakeasy Haircuts

Sorry for the late post, I just got off of work at 11:00. PM, of course. It's not a big deal, I just stayed late because I'm a good employee. Right, so, haircuts. This pandemic has turned some of us into 1920's bootleggers. None more so than barbers. Jersey is lifting their ban on haircuts soon and truth is I'm going to miss my Covid cuts. 

I reached a point during lockdown where I looked like I was out enjoying Rumspringa. That's when I decided to text my barber and ask him if he's doing underground cuts. He responded, "Welcome", like I had just passed a test to join some secret cult. He gave me a date and time and told me to use the "side door". Which seemed really cool at first until I realized his side door was just right next to his driveway. 

I knocked on the door and his elderly mother answered. She just stood there and stared. At first I checked the house number fearing I went to the wrong place. I asked if her son was home and her eyes just kept burning a hole in through the back of my skull. I began to panic, thinking back to my conversation, was there some sort of password I was supposed to say? Before I was able to start guessing ridiculous passwords, thank God, my barber came to the door and said "What're you doing weirdo?" to his mom. She busted out laughing and I joined. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for my barber to break out the straight blade. 

Besides the entrance, the rest of the haircut was pretty dope. It was weird seeing him conduct business in his home, like seeing a teacher bartending in the summer. I was offered and accepted a beer. We watched TV while he cut my hair. The whole house reeked of weed but I was grateful he stuck to cigarettes while cutting me. We bullshited as barbers often do, and then he transformed me into a new man. I paid in cash, leaving no trail. The only part I fucked up is asking him if we dap up after the cut. Of course he accepts daps. This man is a renegade, embarrassing question. 

Now Governor Murphy has taken all that away from me. I asked my barber if he could still cut me at his house after this is all over and he told me he'd drop me as a client if I asked him that again.