There's A Good Chance I Lose My Job

Well, this is not good. If these cuts hit my area, I'm very gone. Not cause I stink at my job or anything, but because I was the last one hired two years ago and I'm still technically part-time. I have all the responsibilities of a full-timer, I just get paid a lot less and don't receive benefits. While my co-workers are buying houses and starting families with their salaries, I'm going out on the weekends and chipping away at my student loans. Oh fuck, how am I going to pay my student loans. 

You might be thinking, well there's always unemployment. No son, not for me. I'm actually paying unemployment right now. It's funny when I say it out loud. Unemployment shafted me about two years ago after they approved me to collect and then invoked take-backs. I got a call from the state where they were like, "Hey remember that money we said you can have? We need it back. We made an oopsie when we approved you.". So when Big Unemployment is paying a record 14.7% of the nation, I'm the one doofus paying Big Unemployment. If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. To be honest though, I don't know if 14.7% unemployment is a record, I'm not up to date on my unemployment trivia. I am however, up to date on my unemployment payments.

So what's a guy to do? My best work friend, who most likely will be furloughed right alongside of me, seems to think that panicking works. I don't know, not really my style. I'm more of a, suppress your fears until you have a heart attack at 52, kind of guy. It's sort of a family tradition. I'm actually a bit jealous of his nervousness? It's seems like a nice release. During his rant to me about how fucked we are, my mind drifted off to me wondering if there's something wrong with me for not mimicking his concern. At the end of what I imagine was an articulate and passionate rant, the best I came up with was "Ya know, what're you gonna do." He was visually disgusted. 

I think it's probably just easy to distract yourself when you have a lot of personalities. For a quick second today, I thought about how I might have to go back to bartending or driving a truck to keep up with my payments and my cheeks started getting hot. But then, a voice in the back of my head said "Yo you know how after you turn on your fan by your bed, you still have to hit it twice and it makes you look like The Fonz? That's pretty cool." And I thought hey, that is pretty cool. I might be fucked. I might not be fucked. All I know is panicking sure ain't gonna help.