In case you are living under a rock, Aaron Judge's girlfriend got a DWI, bad stuff. Then she tried to drop his name to get out of it, double bad. The whole internet is giving her a proper roast and throwing out words like "entitled" and "obnoxious". I get it, and it's cute to pretend that preferential people don't get preferential treatment, but be honest with yourself. Preferential treatment is America's true pastime, not baseball. I don't hate her for trying. Do you want to know the God's honest truth? It would've worked on me.
I'm a Yankees fan, if that last sentence didn't give it away. Here's what I would have done. After the name drop, I would've asked for proof. If she could prove it, I'd park her car, and tell her to get into my back seat without a word. Then, I would drive her home and explain to her that Judge needs to come to the door so I know she's left in good hands. He comes out and I explain the situation. Then I tell him where the car is and urge him not to let her out of his sight because my job is now in jeopardy if she leaves intoxicated. We dap up. I wait a week, then I leak my own body cam footage to TMZ. Immediately fired. I tweet at Judge and say "yo it's me, I got fired". Judge DMs me and I tell him I'm looking for a security job now because my dreams as a cop are gone forever. He makes me his personal head of security. The job pays one million dollars a year and we become best friends. I have a speaking role in his documentary twenty years after he retires.
Pretty flawless if you ask me.
The obvious point to her story is get an Uber. If you don't, truth is, it's still just a traffic violation. Learn from it, you could've seriously hurt someone. You'll lose your license for three months and pay out the ass in fines. That shouldn't be a problem for a person who literally doesn't have to drive for the rest of her life if she just said the word. Fuck, I wish I had been a cop in Arizona. Don't drink and drive.
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