My Car Is At 20% Oil And There's Nothing I Can Do About It

I don't know dick about cars. Gas and break is the full extent of my automobile knowledge. If you're one of those guys who can fix cars, a job well done from me on the copious amounts of sex you must be having. It's not just cars for me either. It's fixing anything that's considered "manly". Carpentry, electrical work, landscaping, plumbing, shit like that, none of it. Now my car is blinking that the oil is at 20% and it's just going to have to deal with it. It was dealt a shitty owner, nothing I can do about that. 

I think you can just add oil to it? But I don't know what kind of oil or where to put it. I think if you put oil in the wrong part of a car it just explodes. That's how they got De Niro in Casino. I looked it up and it says you should change your oil every 3,000 miles? You fucking wish, pal. I recognize a scam when I see one. I got this Honda as a hand-me-down in December '18 and haven't touched the oil once. Everything works just fine. At the moment. 

Do I have the option of getting an oil change? Sort of. I can't go to like a Pep Boys because I wake up and have an hour before going in to work. Everything's closed by the time I clock out so that's fucked. I do have this mechanic who's a friend of the family who would do it for next to nothing, at any hour. The only problem is he's also the mechanic for my job. 

This mechanic is a man's man. Dirty hands and dirty jokes. The other day we were shooting the shit and making inappropriate jokes when all of a sudden he got real serious. I was in his shop picking up a work vehicle and he goes, "Seriously though that car was just about out of oil. Whatever fucking idiot was driving it, tell the boss that he needs to check his oil. Could have lost the engine." I fucking ripped the guy he was talking about. Then the mechanic started making car jokes and I just laughed hysterically. Didn't understand a fucking word he was talking about. In fact, I don't even know if he was making jokes, but I laughed anyway. Behind my faux guffawing, I was just imagining all the mean shit he would say to my dad and co-workers about my lack of car maintenance.

So no Pep Boys. No family/work mechanic because I'll get publicly dragged for my incompetence. I'm just going to have to ride this one out. Quite literally. I only drive to work, which is about half a mile from my house. Every day during during my commute I'm just sitting there waiting for my engine to seize. C'est la vie.