Leaving Beaver Stadium

Thanks to HBO's Leaving Neverland documentary, anti-pedophilia is very in season right now. Now, you might be wondering, shouldn't it always be hip to not like pedophiles? And I agree but apparently that isn't always the case. 

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you think I forgot? Is it still too soon? Do I have to wait 10 years after his death like Oprah did to say, "Hey this guy that everyone loved did really shitty things?" Paterno might not have committed the act himself but do you know who wasn't anti-pedophilia in 2001? Joe Pa. HBO paid a lot of money to remind you that Michael Jackson was actually a piece of shit. Here's a reminder on Joe Paterno for free.

In the Jerry Sandusky police report, assistant coach, Mike McQueary claimed that he personally told Coach Paterno that he saw Jerry in the shower with a young boy. McQueary alleges that Paterno sat back in his chair with his eyes welling up with tears, and told him that this is the "second complaint of that nature" in regards to Jerry Sandusky. Oh wah fucking wah old man. You know who else's eyes have probably welled up with tears? Oh I don't know maybe the ten children that were raped by a grown man on your watch. Three more boys were raped by Sandusky following McQueary's confrontation of 2001.

After McQueary blew his whistle on this whole program, Paterno was stammering around with quotes on how much he knew. Under oath Paterno was asked if he knew of anything prior to the 2001 allegation and this was his response: "I do not know of anything else that Jerry would be involved in of that nature, no. I do not know of it. You did mention, I think you said something about a rumor. It may have been discussed in my presence, something else about somebody." Well what the fuck does that mean? You did hear a rumor about Sandusky? You heard a rumor about somebody else molesting minors? What the fuck are you talking about? A year later in an interview with Sally Jenkins Paterno went on to say he "had no inkling" of the twisted shit Uncle Jerry was up to. Yet when Penn State canned his ass in 2011 he ended his statement with "I wish I had done more." How can you do more for something you had no inkling of?

Then came the Freeh Report, post mortem. Louis Freeh is a former FBI Director hired to investigate the Sandusky case and Penn State's involvement. Among his findings, Freeh exposed emails from Penn State's AD who stated "I touched base with Coach" regarding a 1998 molestation allegation. Could this be the other complaint that McQueary claims Paterno heard about? Tim Curley, the athletic director, testified that he and Paterno had a conversation about the '98 incident and he later plead guilty to misdemeanor child endangerment. The Paterno family denied Freeh's findings and even planned to sue but later dropped the lawsuit. Hmmm *BBM thinking face*.

Following Paterno's firing, thousands of Penn State students flooded the streets in protest. Hundreds of them found themselves outside of Joe Pa's house chanting his name. He eventually confronted the student body and gave a speech on how much he loves the students and the program. Paterno went on to say that he has 17 grandchildren and that him and his wife pray for them every night and that he's going to start praying for the victims. Those kids didn't need your fucking prayers old man. They needed someone to protect them. Where the fuck was your Christianity when pedophile rumors were brought to your desk? I hope you have to play the SEC in hell. 

Penn State eventually took down Joey's statue outside of Beaver Stadium. They fenced it up and drew up blue tarp so no one could witness the act. They should've toppled it like Saddam's statue in Baghdad. 

Look, I know Paterno is very dead. But this isn't some cheap shot. Michael Jackson had more money than God to protect the allegations made against him. Jerry Sandusky had Joe Pa. So if you're a Nittany Lion planning on watching Leaving Neverland so you can tweet your brave stance on being against child molestation, don't. Not until you've denounced Joe Paterno. 

4 TDs And 70+ Years Ago (Presidents In College Football)

Kmarko recently wrote a blog on Gianni Russo and the tall tales of his new book. Russo claims to have seen JFK do a line off some chick's tummy and apparently thought that was going to be breaking news. That's exactly what I thought JFK was doing. Anyway it put me on to a JFK rabbit hole that brought me to presidents in college football. Heres what I found. 

We'll start with JFK. The original Johnny Football; except not really. Kennedy wasn't very good if we're being honest. He knew it though, "Politics is an astonishing profession, it has enabled me from being an obscure member of the junior varsity at Harvard to being an honorary member of the Football Hall of Fame." Good for him. Got his gold jacket even though the highest he reached was Harvard's JV wide out. JFK's talent never kept him from being a fan of the game. This is the transcript of his "going to the moon" speech that he delivered in Rice's stadium. 

Last minute JFK wrote in to his speech Why does Rice Play Texas? Right up there with Why climb the highest mountain? Why 35 years ago fly the Atlantic? Clearly Everest and Lindbergh aren't nearly as impressive as the Owls scheduling the Longhorns. Jack's Rice line was received with so much applause that it took him three tries to get the next line out over the noise of the crowd. 

Before he was creating the National Aeronautic and Space Administration, Ike Eisenhower was creating space on the gridiron. Ike was the starting running back for Army in 1912. In a game vs Tufts he blew his knee out, ending his football career. Apparently he became so depressed that he was unable to play football, that he strongly considered leaving the West Point. Thank God he stuck it out because he went on to send America's greatest all-out blitz and stormed the beaches of Normandy marking the beginning of the end for WWII. 

Herbert Hoover didn't ball but he was a baller. Hoover was the business manager for Stanford and helped arrange one of the first big west coast games vs Cal. He rented out a baseball field for $250 and printed out 5,000 $2 tickets. 10,000 people wound up showing up and were granted admission if they had the two dollars cash. $20,000 was collected and Hoover dashed and stashed the cash in his hotel room. He didn't even watch the game over fear that someone would rob the money. If you think that ol Herbie didn't skim a little off the top in the year of our Lord 1892, then you're out of your bird. I like to imagine a then young, would-be-president, with overstuffed suitcases of cash sitting on the bed of his hotel room, shaking with the lights out and a baseball bat in his hand. He probably paid off his tuition the next day. Didn't need Lori Loughlin for that one.   

Gerald Ford is the greatest backup in American History. He is the only man to become President and Vice President without being elected to either position. But he didn't have to worry about backup roles for the Michigan Wolverines since they named him their team MVP in 1934. Ford is easily the best pure player to ever sit in the oval office. He's the handsome SOB pictured above. As a linebacker/center he helped lead Michigan to two Big 10 chips and back to back national championships. Ford was offered a spot with the Lions and the Packers but turned it down to attend Yale Law School and the rest was history. Michigan went on to retire Ford's #48 jersey. 

So there it is. Reagan and Nixon also played for minor schools but there wasn't much to go off of besides the fact that they played. Dream big kids, play college football, but if you have an inkling to maybe head to law school instead of the league, take it. You could change the course of history.  

But You Know, Gotta Let It Go, Cause The Party Ain't Jumpin Like It Use To!

LET IT AuBURN BABY. Auburn stinks. I know they stink, you know they stink, Byron Cowart knows they stink. Cowart was ESPN's number one recruit coming out of high school in 2015. Gus Malzahn landed him and stranded him. "I was bigger and stronger than everybody, I didn't understand that at the time. I'm just thinking you wake up, practice a little bit and it happened in the game. I didn't know the preparation that it took to be good on Saturday and Sunday." Uhmm how about you be a leader of men and develop your talent there, Gus. This has been a recurring trend. Auburn is losing more stars than the #MeToo movement. 

Cowart isn't alone in 5 stars who pack their shit and head out from the barn. 2014 five star recruit (247 Sports), Roc Thomas left the program when he couldn't find a spot in the Tiger backfield. He transferred to Jacksonville State and was an FCS All-American. More recently, 2017 class, five star OT Calvin Ashley landed with the King of the Transfer Portal, Manny Diaz, in Miami. This just didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Why not plug the five star monster into a line that had under 100 rushing yards and gave up 3 sacks to Southern Miss! Southern fricken Miss. But hey, keep doing your thing little brother. Never forget the 2017 Iron Bowl didn't matter.   

Block Or Felony Charge?

Well, it's time to pour one out for another internet fad ruined by a middle aged white guy who's begging to connect with millennials. The once proud coach who beat Nick Saban in back to back seasons at Ole Miss has resorted to partaking in Twitter haha's for 8 retweets. 

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Do you know what really gets recruits to like you? Hookers. Stick to your guns, Hugh. Dial up that administrative assigned phone, hop on Backpage and do what you do best. Don't turn yourself into that backwards hat, skateboard over the shoulder, Buschemi meme. 

Honestly though, good riddance. The whole block or charge thing really isn't that funny. You just gotta love Hugh for twisting the knife. Have just the tiniest bit of awareness. A block or a charge is like a 50/50 call. You should never be using the word "charge" knowing that you yourself could be charged with soliciting prostitution. 

Who The Fuck Is Andrew Thacker?

https://twitter.com/thecheckdown/status/1098379958311776256

Recently this video went viral of the Georgia Tech Defensive Coordinator and Linebackers Coach, Andrew Thacker, doing burpee things with his players followed by alley oop line and him finishing with a 360 air cram on his "player" turned basketball net. For some reason he reminds me of PC Principal from South Park. The players were amped the fuck up though, and it got me wondering if he was some nutso strength and conditioning coach. I was wrong. He’s a young, handsome, DEFENSIVE MINDED coach here to balance out the force. 

I don’t understand how people get into coaching, like the fraternity of it. Who lets you in? Andrew Thacker was a three year starter for Furman University and the following year he’s a grad assistant at UCF at age 22? How the hell does that happen? The only thing I could find was that his step father was a prominent high school coach in Georgia. Maybe that was his in. Traded a recruit for his son on the coaching squad?

Thacker is a serious up and comer. So far at age 33, he has coached under Mike Gundy, Mike Smith (as assistant to the Atlanta Falcons), and Manny Diaz for like two weeks. Reports came out a couple weeks ago that Thacker TURNED DOWN the Oregon DC job. Now I thought maybe it was because he wanted to build up his resume with a better defense, ranked 52nd in Opp Yds to Oregon's 67th. But that doesn't really make sense. I think Thacker took Georgia Tech to see if he could put up a defense that can run with the big boys. He'll have his work cut out for him this year with GT playing Clemson, Miami, and Georgia. The Miami game should be fun being that Manny Diaz was his boss for a day before they both left the university in the same week. Tough to be Temple.

Keep your eye on this dude. Thacker's making moves and he's making them fast. 

Graham Harrell, What A Crazy Cracker

In a recent post about Kliff Kingsbury, I touched a bit on his USC replacement, Graham Harrell. Well here he is, the crazy bastard. Young, hung, and full of shotgun. Graham is looking forward to his Trojans exploding this year, which normally would have students crying, but in this case has USC actually looking forward to the future. Or at least they should be.  

USC head coach Clay Helton knew he needed to make a hiring splash after posting the school's first losing record since 2000. Kliff Kingsbury is a great high profile hire, right? Wrong, bitch. Kliff Kingsbury left USC after a month to go fuck up the number one pick in Arizona. What next? Former Mike Leach coaches/quarterback are really hot in the streets right now (Kliff, Lincoln Riley, etc) so Helton jumped in front of the curve and grabbed Graham Helton. 

The year before Graham took the North Texas OC job the team went 1-11. His first year they improved to 5-8. His last two? 9-5 and 9-4 with back to back top 25 offenses (according to Bruce Feldman). So what exactly does this guy do? 

Harrell, as a student of Leach, is a follower of the Air Raid attack. It's pass heavy, around 70% throwing offense, ran in the hurry up, with normally two outside receivers and two inside slot guys. Pass this shit out of the ball, spread the offense out in shotgun, and hope to god you tire out the defense. As Mike Leach once put it "There's nothing balanced about 50% run and 50% pass. That's 50% stupid." 

So he likes to pass the ball. Which means he probably sits up all night like Sean McVay, concocting new plays, extending his secret playbook, figuring out crazy new looks to throw at defenses. Wrong again! Graham hates playbooks! Here he is basically calling Aaron Rodgers a dork while he was his backup in Green Bay, "I used to tell them all the time, 'If you pay me enough money, I'll simplify this whole thing for you and make it easier.' They didn't like that. It was like a badge of honor that they could remember a paragraph. I'm like 'Well, it's great that you can remember the paragraph, but I can't remember the paragraph and neither can anyone in here. So you're not doing us any favors.'" Hey Aaron! Cute badge!

Graham's just one of the bros, which should translate nicely in SoCal bruh (I don't know how people in California speak). He likes to start off his meetings with scenes from the Sandlot to clips of the WWF  attitude era, (It's WWE clips I don't actually know if it's from the attitude era but if it's not, honestly why bother) in order to keep things cool, like his coaching pedigree. Speaking of pedigrees, Graham Harrell named his kid,  Herschel Hawk Harrell. HHH. This guy is just so much cooler than yours and mine offensive coordinator. (I used a lot of parenthesis in this paragraph)

I'm paraphrasing here but Graham said his plan is to not overburden his team with complex playbooks but rather find a few plays they like, and just get really good at them. Fantastic! That's exactly my motto for playing Madden. I find like three or four plays that I know my friend can't stop, and run the shit out of them until he throws my controller at the wall. Graham's strategy is so annoying that it just might work.  

The Scariest Man In College Football Won A Scary College Football Case

The combine is in the air. There are 300 pound lineman running 4.84s,  5 receivers under a 4.36, players making crying phone calls on the sidelines, everything is full of what could be. But what could have been for Shawn Oakman? 

Shawn Oakman was unanimously acquitted of sexual assault last Thursday. Since his arrest Oakman has whole-heartedly denied that the encounter he had with the alleged victim wasn't consensual. This all came on in the midst of Art Briles' cover up over player behavior. The evidence for his acquittal included texts from the female asking him to come to the bar, texts from the female to her friends telling them she's fine going home with Oakman, her admittance of a past sexual relationship with the accused, DNA found in the female's mouth, the female's friends testifying that she wasn't intoxicated, and when they were at the bar a friend asked Oakman what he was doing next he replied, "Shit, her." to which to the witness testified the accuser smiled at Oakman and hugged him as if she was happy he acknowledged their relationship in public. Unanimously acquitted.  

Shawn Oakman went uber viral in an awesome 2015 Cotton Bowl. When Baylor captains came out to the the coin flip Oakman was towering over Michigan State. Spartans went on to win that game 42-41 after shutting out Baylor in the fourth quarter. But after that game, one thing was certain, the whole country knew Shawn Oakman.

Shawn could've been playing in the NFL for three years now. After his arrest and Art Briles' firing no NFL team would touch him. He is Baylor's all time sack leader and was getting first round looks. Shawn's 26 now and expressed that he still wants to play in the NFL. "Cowboys, Eagles, whoever calls first." Interesting choices. But, come on, Dallas is taking him. I mean they took Randy Gregory, La'el Collins, Ezekiel Elliot, and Greg Hardy. They're no strangers to scandal.

A quote from Ret. Army Major Kenneth Roberts, who raised Oakman, " This is just God's work. God made sure that justice would be served, and I am glad that it was unanimous. I am glad we had this opportunity to prove beyond any shadow of doubt that Shawn Oakman was robbed of this time period to play football and do whatever he wanted to do."