Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Join The Chinese Cause



I eat way too much Chinese food. If you cut me open I'm pretty sure I just bleed general tso's at this point. I'm working on it. Whether it's consensual or not at the moment isn't of any importance. Yesterday I figured I try to find salvation in some chicken and broccoli with lo mein but was met with damnation. All of the Chinese restaurants within a reasonable distance from my house have been closed until further notice. This has to be racism, and I won't stand for it. 

When this whole thing kicked off, I was cleaning up. The ShopRite in my town has this little Chinese takeout section near their buffet area. I should have seen the writing on the wall when I was buying reheatable combos in bulk at 30% off. The chef would smile at only me every time I walked in. The bread crumbs were there. 

I live about 400 yards from a Chinese takeout restaurant. I measure everything in estimated football metrics. I saw my boy, Bin, stapling flyers to telephone poles advertising that his restaurant is still open for takeout. I think that's how you spell his name? Holy shit is his name Ben?! I've known him for like fifteen years. Well, Bin struck up a conversation with me explaining that his family's restaurant isn't doing too hot. I was heartbroken and apologized but told him it's not like I can order Chinese every single night. He said "You're already pretty close." Touche Ben. Something needs to be done. 

Was China there for us in the beginning of this mess? No, but that doesn't mean we need to take it out on their food. This is my PSA to save your local Chinese joints. I'm aware that technically this whole shebang might have been started by Chinese food, but not really. Have you ever had an Italian sub in Italy, French Fries in France? Have you ever been baked in Alaska? It's just different on our home turf. We've bastardized these menus to fit our grotesque American pallets. We need to save OUR Chinese food. Not China's Chinese food. These small businesses are operated by our people and they deserve our support. Give me your tired, your poor, your delicious ethnic dishes. 


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