Medieval Times Knights Are Trying To Unionize

I’ve been telling people years that chivalry isn’t dead. It’s alive and well at Medieval Times. It appears that Tony Soprano finally made his way to the castle. The HuffPost wrote an article on the working conditions of the Lords and Ladies at Medieval Times which can be read here. 

The workers are claiming the same as any workforce trying to create a union. Better pay, safer conditions, and more recognition. 

Better pay definitely. If the article is to be believed, some of the performers start out at Jersey’s minimum wage of $13/hr. I’m sorry? Thirteen bucks to take a joust to the chest and fall off a horse? I think not sir! These men and women are icons! Professionals! Should be celebrities. 

As for the working conditions, it appears the issues mainly stem from the loyal subjects in attendance. Grabbing at the damn falcon as it flies over head, clanging the goblets and spooking horses to the point where knights are knocked off saddles. Once the mead gets flowing, there’s no telling what the townsfolk are capable of. They want more security measures, sure, but that won’t fix shit. It’s old laws in the castle. Have a knight grab a glove and smack the customer across the face with it. That’s it, they have no choice but to suit up and duel now. Make an example out of the first one with that spikey ball and chain thingy and the rest should fall in line. 

Medieval Times is a magical place. A place for feasts, majestic creatures, tournaments of honor, and getting handjobs on field trips junior year of high school. I thought she just wanted my mashed potatoes but she wanted much much more than that. Second the lights went down she hopped on my lap and it was on. Whispers and rumors be damned. There’s still a piece of me there in the men’s bathroom. Took the bus ride home full of hickeys and dirty looks from Mrs. Nestor. My grandmother smacked me across the mouth when she saw the state of my neck. Never hooked up with that girl again after I courted her in the castle. No explanation, not even an acknowledgment, completely alphaed me. What a woman. 

It’s always been very clear to me that everyone gets exactly what they’re looking for at Medieval Times. So why not the workers? High time the King comes down from his ivory tower and does the right thing.