Chivalry as we've all heard, is dead. Was it ever really alive though? It was created by knights of some round table who would conquer, rape, and pillage just to send unsolicited "U up?" letters to local virgins. Regardless, I am here to tell you that leaving the seat up after you empty doesn't make you a bad person.
When I was in the seventh grade, a couple of the lads and I went to our Regina George's house to hang out with the pretty girls from class. The objectives were pretty simple, watch a scary movie, try to consensually touch a boob, and let everyone know what it felt like. Snacks were out, Hills Have Eyes was on, and the lights were low. I was certain that my life was going to change forever that night. It did, but not the way I had hoped. Fate decided to poo poo on my night. Midway through the movie I left the love seat I was occupying with a female classmate to go see a man about horse. When I returned, my beloved ask me if I washed my hands. Against all odds, I had. She held my hand and we continued watching the movie with heavy breath. About twenty minutes later, it happened. Regina came into the room, paused the TV and asked who pissed all over her toilet seat. Everyone looked at me because I was the last to leave the room. You could fry an egg on my face it got so hot. The room was in an uproar with argument. Without a shadow of a doubt, I 100% lifted the seat before pissing and put the seat back down before departure. I had an older sister who could kick my ass. None of my shitty friends would admit it was them, the girls were looking around the room for pitchforks and there was nothing I could say to prove my innocence so I went silent. Eventually someone hit play on the movie and the girl I was sitting next to moved seats. I watched the rest of the movie without blinking, hearing the whispering throughout the room. No one ever admitted to the pee.
14 years later....
I'm working in a school that's K-8. I have to take a leak and go to use the adult unisex bathroom. It's a one person bathroom with no urinal. I get in and immediately notice there is piss on the seat. I grab a piece of toilet paper and lift the seat so I can go. Mid-stream, I hear a knock on the door. I answer with a "Yup one sec" and a female voice responds "Oh...alright.". Three options arise: One, put the seat down like a "gentleman" and risk the entire staff talking about me like I'm some sort of pee monster. Two, put the seat down AND CLEAN A STRANGER'S PEE all while possibly contracting coronavirus. Three, leave the seat as is, let them say ugh typical man leaving the seat up and realize that I'm not the one who pees like they have an unmanned fire hose. Because of my previous shame, not only will some poor soul have to put the seat down but they'll have a surprise waiting for them when they do. Never again.
So gents, always cover your ass. It's better to be known as a seat-keeper-upper than a seat-wetter. But keep in mind it isn't that difficult to put the seat up. Ladies, if we're being honest it's just as easy to put the seat back down. Spot before you squat. We all have to share this world and sometimes that includes bathrooms.
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