For whatever reason the marketing world has evolved with my age group since we were children. If you need proof, here's a couple of examples from the restaurant industry: Your friendly neighborhood grill, Applebee's, who used to give out free meals if you brought in a positive report card is now nationally decimating GPAs selling $1 LITs. McDonald's went from a goofy clown and running around the "play place" to a trendy cafe where you can plug in your laptop. Little, freckled, pig tailed Wendy? She's roasting people on twitter like she's one of the homies. Molding restaurants to us wasn't all that bad but now marketing has gone too far.
I'm turning 27 this year and rumor has it is that's when people consider starting a family of their own. Girls you used to do drunk karaoke with are now scary mean witches, with a big smoking cauldron, looking at your willy like it's the last ingredient to their everlasting happiness. I guess it's better than looking at it with disappointment, but not the point. Instead of addressing the problem head on, what does Hollywood decide to do? Enable this behavior. It started out innocent enough. Baby Groot? Fucking adorable. Next came the royal baby, show off. Then companies started to get straight up desperate. Planters murdered an icon on national television just to shove Baby Nut down our throats. Which, by the way, ew gross. Everywhere you turn its baby this and baby that. Then came the King of them all. Baby fucking Yoda. Undeniably cute, and the final nail in all our coffins.
I bought Disney+ literally just to watch the Mandalorian. Jon Favreau did a fantastic job with it. Unfortunately the genius idea of bringing in a main character to mirror a child version of Star War's most beloved Jedi Master did not go unpunished. Baby Yoda was whored through the streets of the internet. Memes, toys, GIFs, cartoon sketches, theories, fan accounts, instagram pages, twitter avatar's, etc. If you can think it, Baby Yoda has done it. Baby Yoda was/is everywhere. People who haven't even seen a single episode of Star Wars were flocking to Disney+ to watch the Mandalorian. I should have seen the writing on the wall.
My girlfriend texted me, unprompted, "Hey I caught up on the Mandalorian, don't watch the rest without me". Silly me, my biggest concern at the time was thinking, "What the fuck. She's going to ask so many questions during each episode". To my surprise, we finished the season together flawlessly. I was happy with the ending, happy with the direction Favreau took the show, happy for future Star Wars shows coming to Disney+, just fucking happy staring up at the ceiling.
That's when I hear, "Ahhhh man, when are we going to have a Baby Yoda of our own hehehe?"
I answered it practically, "Well never, since I'm a human and all. Unless you know where Yoda's people are from and plan on sleeping with one. Otherwise I don't know how we could possibly have a Baby Yoda, unless it's like a Hasbro one."
"You know what I mean, like our own baby."
"I don't know. I'm not ready to have a child around or even ready to have this talk."
Theres probably a few things I should divulge at this point. I have a big boy job and probably give the impression that I'm ready for big boy responsibilities, but I'm not. I still describe things as being "big boy". I also once made the mistake of telling my girlfriend during a similar conversation that I'd want to be more of an adult like my sister was, when she had kids. I'm now one year older than what my sister was when she had her first kid. And the kicker? My girlfriend is 29. Anyway, this is when she hit me with the most utterly ridiculous line of reasoning I have ever heard in my life.
"Well, Mando didn't think he'd want a kid around either! Look at them now!"
....
...
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What a low fucking blow. Like all of a sudden if I have a baby I'll be a Mandalorian bounty hunter with a force sensitive child. Are you out of your mind? We had it out with a ridiculous argument of how mature I already supposedly am, sprinkled in with some Star Wars and Disney references.
Yeah well, I'm single now. I'm currently taking applications for a new girlfriend with only one requirement: Must love drunk karaoke.
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