Nobody is more happy than bunker people right now. Sipping on years old water, and thrashing around their mole holes blasting heavy metal with two middle fingers up. I don't know, they're weirdos, I just imagine they all listen to heavy metal. I always assumed that I could survive a zombie apocalypse on brute bravery alone. I know how to shoot pistols, assault riffles, and shotguns and pictured myself as a defensive militia leader. That's what I was bringing to the table. This apocalypse sucks. I can physically fight zombies and rival communes, I can't fight a virus. I can be the hunter, but my gathering skills stink.
Right now it's just my twenty three year old brother and I alone in our childhood home. My sister left years ago to start a new family and my mom left seven months ago to get away from her old one. I'm kidding, if she read that sentence it would make her cry for weeks. But really, she did leave. My father, not the most 'big picture' guy, literally just fucked off to Punta Cana on 24 hours notice last Sunday and we don't know if he's ever coming back. So how are me and baby bro preparing for the end of the world? He's playing Call of Duty and I'm smoking mint Juul pods and writing blogs.
Neither of us know how to cook so we aren't big fans of the whole grocery thing. I went two days ago and bought three precooked meals for $36 and said this is bullshit I'm not ever doing that again. Plus I already ate one of the meals so not my best fallback plan. We've been keeping a close eye on the restaurant, drive-thru, and delivery news. So far, we're in the clear but nerves are very high. We're going to have to ration out the six microwaveable Benihana dinners if push comes to shove.
After the initial inventory check, heres what we got: nine rolls of toilet paper, two rolls of paper towels, seventeen paper plates, a case and a half of Arnold Palmer cans, a case of Poland Spring, six microwaveable dinners, two precooked dinners, four boxes of tissues (two opened), three bottles of hand soap,twenty one batteries (don't know how we fucked that one up), two bottles of Axe bodywash, a family size bottle of shampoo, and a twelve ounce bottle of hand sanitizer to ride out the storm.
That's just what was there. We're rolling the dice and not going shopping because it looks miserable. I guess I shouldn't say we didn't shop at all. When we heard PA closed their liquor stores we went out and grabbed two thirties of Bud Light and two sixers of BLP's. Also, I might have went out and grabbed two Juul mint packs from my plug, Haji. Other than that, no shopping.
Hopefully this all blows over soon. My dad comes home, our mother still loves us enough to smuggle some groceries, and sports come back on. If not, here's to hoping the coronavirus starts making zombies so I can get back in the game.
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