I ordered Taco Bell for myself the other night and when I finished my order the drive thru girl said, "Thank you, you guys can drive up". You GUYS...damn. I was already having a bad day and what I heard was "Well, why don't you just eat all your problems away you fat fuck, pull on up." For the first time in my life I had decided to use my millennial super powers. I decided I was going to shame this chick into oblivion for assuming that was a two person order. I've never done this before so I was hyping myself up in my Honda. Telling myself, "You ain't getting no god damn respect out here. How fucking dare she make assumptions. I'm big boned, and I had a salad for lunch. Who the fuck is she to fat shame me for ordering too much Taco Bell? She don't know me?" Just fired up. Doing this for twenty minutes because Taco Bell drive-thru goes backwards in time. I got this whole speech ready and finally pull up to the window and get out "Ya know..."
The employee was three times my size. I'm not shaming, I'm a biggon myself, but those were just the facts. I froze up. I imagined me delivering my speech to her about how she shouldn't fat shame people and her going "Really motherfucker? You think I'm not allowed to fat shame? You listen here you skinny little bitch gimme your card, get your food, and get the fuck out of here before I snap you like the twig you are." And now I'm imagining getting skinny shamed, which is a sentence I figured would never be formed. I snap out of it and realize she's asked for my payment three times. By her face I can tell I'm looking at her funny, which I find fair since I just eviscerated and got eviscerated in two imaginary arguments in the last twenty minutes. I get my food and give her a head nod like somehow she knows what just went down in my head. Shame on me, for considering shaming.
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