I've been looking for a project to do while I'm cooped in the suburbs. I bought MLB The Show two days ago, and I'm already sick of switching back and forth between my PS4 and my Xbox. It's a new level of lazy. Xbox has my Call of Duty and shows, PS4 has literally only The Show. Each time I'm done with The Show I have to unplug the Playstation, plug the Xbox back in, and switch the HDMI cord from one system to the other. Sometimes I lay down to watch my show, realize that the Playstation is still hooked up, and I go postal. If only I had a Playstation room, so I could leave my Xbox constantly plugged into my bedroom TV. Just the ticket, my mom walked out a couple of months ago and left behind an empty bedroom, and a family. I've decided to make it my man cave.
My brother and I already moved the old living room furniture into it. We just kind of threw it in there though. Rearrange the furniture, check. I got my old college TV from the garage, put it on an old dresser and hooked up the Playstation. Video games, check. While in the garage I found my old mini fridge and filled it with a six pack. Beer, check. I had a couch, video games, and beer. You would think the man cave was complete but it was missing something. The walls were barren. There are outlines throughout the room where family photos used to hang. It was all very depressing, kind of like that last Fresh Prince episode. Time to decorate, spice the place up a bit.
I've seen loads of people tweeting about all the online shopping they've been doing since Coronavirus commandeered the country. Amazon seemed to be the store of choice. I went to Amazon, Amazon is fucking expensive. There's cool shit there don't get me wrong, but I'd have to remortgage my loans again to afford a spree. When I was in college we used to crush Goodwill stores. That's where I found Big Dave, who still hangs in my bedroom to this day (pictured below).
I googled the local Goodwill on the Hail Mary that they were labeled essential, they weren't. I went to the Goodwill website to see if there was any update on when they plan to reopen, and that is when I made a discovery of Indiana Jones proportions. Goodwill has an online store of infinite treasures. I got sucked in for hours perusing around and found thousands of steals. For the sake of this blog I'll just cue you in on my decorative purchases. Most decorators will tell you to stick to a theme. Fuck that. If it looks cool, throw in the cart.
15. Signed Photo of Al Pacino $9.95
Every MTV Cribs episode featured some sort of Scarface Art, so this seemed like a good place to start.
14. Budweiser Metal Signs $9.99
Just in case you were wondering if I drink, bro.
13. Tom Hanks Signed Photo $11.00
A tip of the cap to our quarantine king, Hanx.
12. Retro Buffy The Vampire Slayer Poster $7.99
Buffy's hot, no way around it.
11. Leo Dio Signed Photo $9.95
I'm not sure how authentic this is, but for ten dollars, I'll bite. Why would Goodwill lie?
10. Bob Marley Painting $32.00
If you don't have Bob Marley hanging on your wall how are people supposed to know you're cool? It's a bit pricey but it comes with a sweet hand made wood frame.
9. Wille Nelson Drawing $8.99
You might not be able to tell by the last two purchases on my list, but I honestly don't smoke weed. It's a chalk pastel though, whatever that means. Looks like someone put a lot of work into it.
8. Budweiser Case $16.99
I figured I could use this as a foot rest that doubles as storage for my video games. Plus it comes with a sweet pair of roller skates for no reason.
7. Jennie Finch Signed Poster $12.99
Because who wouldn't want a smoke gold medalist on their wall? What a find.
6. John Wayne Drawing $29.99
This is a man cave isn't it? Who better to watch over me than Duke, the epitome of the American man.
5. Signed Poster of Former Playmate, Petra Verkaik $6.95
The inscription reads "Richard you're a real cutie, call me in 10 years!". I don't know this Petra, but she was Miss December in 1989. I hope she's doing well.
4. Angelina Jolie Signed Laura Croft photo $6.95
I mean, come on. If you didn't have a crush on Laura Croft, cartoon or otherwise, go shit in your hand.
3. Picture of Old Guys Playing Poker $11.99
This piece really speaks to me. Just gents bein gents. That one miner is passing an ace of hearts to his buddy with his dirty ass foot. I'm pretty sure they're colluding against Teddy Roosevelt?
2. Jerry Seinfeld Signed Photo $29.99
Ok this one actually comes with a certificate of authenticity. Thirty dollars is highway robbery.
1. Lando Calrissian Cot 45 Poster $31.99
I honestly can't believe something this perfect exists. It encompasses everything you could possibly need for a man cave. Lando, beer, slave Leia, and implied adultery.
Well there's my list ranked from least to most favorite. Comes to a grand total of $237.71. The decoration exploring took me three hours alone. Oh and by the way I didn't buy a single thing. This is quarantine life now. I spent the whole day pretending I was going to buy things for a project I'm never going to do. How was your day?
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