Two years ago, three of my friends and I decided to start a Big Brother draft before each season starts. With no gameplay to go off of, we draft purely on looks and internet profiles. It’s $100 a head and whoever drafts the winner takes the pot. I have my draft tonight so here are my power rankings.
16. Derek Frazier, 29
I’m sorry to my big boned brother in arms, but someone had to be last. I’m hoping that Derek proves me wrong but strength only gets you so far in this game. Balance and endurance could be an issue. But then again, maybe his famous boxing father, “Smokin” Joe Frazier taught him a thing or two about both. Still rooting for you my man.
15. Sarah Steagall, 27
Sarah is a DNA scientist which would make you think she has some smarts, but her profile says otherwise. When asked what her strategy for the game was Sarah said she plans on being a floater. No place on my squad for anyone who’s already planning around being carried. Sarah said she’s most looking forward to venting in the diary room. Really? You’re playing for half a million and all you’re excited about is complaining? The DNA thing was the only thing keeping her from that last spot.
14. Britini D’Angelo, 24
Britini is into karate, swimming, and running. Three things that could come in handy for the challenges. She also boasts as the recipient of both the Niagara and Senior Medal. I don’t know what either of those are but it’s two more medals than I got. As a Kindergarten teacher, Britini seems like a very positive and trusting person. Which means shit in the Big Brother house. I found her Tik Tok and her overt optimism is going to get her eaten alive. She will cry before the season’s over, I guarantee it.
13. Whitney Williams, 30
I apologize in advance to Whitney if I miss the mark here, but I completely based her ranking solely off looking like a reality star villain. Her teeth are smiling, but here eyes aren’t. Being a villain can be an asset in this game, but it takes mastery level deception skills. In the real world, Whitney is a make-up artist, and I just don’t know what skills she can translate from that profession into the house.
12. Tiffany Mitchell, 40
I’m excited for Tiffany from an entertainment standpoint. She claims to have an alter ego and I can’t fucking wait for that. Either it’s going to be legit and I’m going to love it or it’s going to be so ridiculously bad that I’m going to love it even more. Like her planned winning strategy, Tiffany doesn’t really tell us much. But if past seasons have set any precedent, 40 and up don’t bode to well.
11. Travis Long, 22
Travis might be worth a late round flyer based off his age, but other than that I really don’t like him. Coincidentally, I predict his biggest advantage (age), will ultimately be his downfall. If the shaka profile picture wasn’t douchie enough, Travis is really looking forward to being the “prank master” of the house. When asked to describe himself in three words his first word was… rambunctious. People are going to get sick of his shit, I already am. Fuck your jawline dude.
10. Brandon “Frenchie” French, 34
I predict Frenchie is going to wind up being one of my favorite characters in the house. He just looks like he’s going to be funny. Frenchie’s a farmer and former military. Couple that with the loss of his son and he makes for the best feel good story to win. Out of everybody, I hope he wins. But from a betting standpoint, it pains me to say it but southern people rarely get taken seriously in this game. If anyone can turn that around, I’m hoping it’s Frenchie.
9. Christie Valdiserri, 27
Christie is an interesting contestant. Her career as a professional dancer should translate well to comps. I’m not sure how well things will go for her vegan diet in the house. I doubt slop is vegan. Christie said she plans on telling everyone about her hair loss when the time is right. I love that, use every advantage you can to claw your way to the next week. I think we’re all thinking the the same thing, and let’s just hope it’s not that.
8. Azah Awasum, 30
Azah’s grandfather was a polygamist with 47 children, giving her 300 cousins. You have to be able to handle yourself fighting against that many cousins for food and a good seat at family parties. One of Azah’s biggest attributes is that she’s a cook, which I think flies way under the radar in this game. It’s hard to vote out the person who’s keeping everyone well fed. The only knock I have on Azah is she described herself as “clumsy”. I think that shows a lack of confidence and not exactly a word I’d want attached to one of my competitors.
7. Kyland Young, 29
I don’t know where Kyland’s at but it looks like he’s getting some American Ninja Warrior training in. Kyland cosplays at Comic Cons as a police officer and uses a fake badge to cut the lines. It’s not illegal, it’s cosplay. Love that kind of loophole thinking. The only negative I have on Kyland is that he said that he sometimes forgets there’s a cash prize in this competition. While some people may see that as “doing it for the love of the game,” it makes me think that he doesn’t have enough on the line.
6. Hannah Chaddha, 21
Hannah describes herself as “calculated, composed, and versatile” and quite honestly scares the shit out of me. She’s most looking forward to blindsiding someone in the house. Nice to know Hannah’s not afraid to get blood on her hands. I think she’ll play older than her age, she always has. Graduated from her university at 19 and has a love for science and math. Not a nerd though, no, she’s a competive hip hop dancer. Dancing plays in comps.
5. Alyssa Lopez, 24
Alyssa was the only one to describe herself as a superfan. A student of the game. I love Alyssa’s plan of going hard for the first HOH. A lot of people are deterred from the first competition because it makes you the first one to make enemies. But it also puts you in the best position to make the strongest alliance. I like the way she thinks, and superfans have a history of going far in this game.
4. Brent Champagne, 28
I’ll be honest, I didn’t enjoy slotting Brent here at 4. His life’s motto of “I’m here for a good time, not a long time” isn’t a great omen. It was also the Facebook status of high school seniors like ten years ago, close the yearbook dude. But he is a former D1 athlete and I expect that alone to get him into a strong alliance of comp beasts.
3. Derek Xiao, 24
If there were betting odds, Derek would be my favorite bet. I don’t expect him to wow people with his athleticism, but I do project him to be the most complete player. His motto is “If you laugh at yourself first, then everyone else is just laughing with you.” Love that. Good tough skin for this game. Derek is looking to fund his startup with his winnings. Skin in the game, check. He enjoys playing chess, surfing, and has completed a triathalon. All things that translate. Brains and brawn, and a face that looks like it’ll hold up in the social aspect. I trust him, don’t even know the guy.
2. Christian Birkenberger, 23
I don’t like using the word vibe because I don’t think I use it correctly but Christian has a certain vibe about him. Right? He’s a general contractor who enjoys wearing bucket hats. Bucket hat guys always have a strong social game, especially with that hair. I anticipate Christian to be the guy all the girls fall in love with this season. He likes doing flips on unicycles. Which shows off athleticism for comps and a neat goofy party trick for the social game. Also just a great name.
1. Xavier Prather, 27
Being an attorney in this game should be quite the advantage. Xavier’s job is literally to get people to see things his way and agree with him. Not to mention, the guys built like a brick shithouse. This is my Mccaffrey. When asked about his strategy, Xavier said he plans on not letting emotions sway his strategic decisions. Cunning, comp beast, cutthroat.
I’m really excited for this season. It was nice to have last year’s season, but they clearly cut out the possibility of showmances due to Covid and that really put a strain on the drama aspect. One more week until the saintly Julie Chen graces our television screens.
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