I Don’t Know What Lightning Is

As I was heading into work the other night, Disney’s newest marketing ploy, Hurricane Elsa, was out on full display in my little one square mile town. The sky couldn’t last more than three seconds without showing off it’s lightning skills. Normally it’s something I glance over. Brush it off as a nuisance or an excuse to stay inside. But since it was inevitable to face during my commute, I looked at the lightning, like really looked at it. That’s when I realized, I have no idea what lightning is. 

It’s easy to understand why civilizations of old created stories to explain the world’s phenomena. I got a C on every science class I ever took but I still have a better grasp on the subject than anyone from 1,000 years ago. Zeus at war with Titans, Thor wielding Mjölnir, or Raijin striking his mighty drum are just as reasonable as any interpretation I have. 

This is what I’ve got: it’s like sky electricity? How does it happen? No idea. Where does it come from? The ground I think, even though it looks like it comes from the sky. Not sure where I picked that up but I’m pretty confident about it. That’s about it, sprinkle a little something about Ben Franklin and that’s the extent of my knowledge. I’m sure somewhere along the line I learned about it in school, it didn’t stick. 

I brought it to my group chat. I knew I was being an idiot and getting roasted by my friends on my own terms keeps me grounded. Problem was, no one could give me a good answer to what it was. We have Wall Street guys, engineers, teachers, and accountants alike in my chat and no one could give me anything concrete. The best guess was “I think it’s energies colliding?” Ok but what energies, and where did this newfound energy come from? Back to square one. 

Now that I’m more awake, if I think about it, the rain probably creates some sort of static friction that then…what? Opens up the ground for homicidal electricity spears that reach the skies? I don’t know. Someone knows, and they think a lot less of me. But if you act like electric currents that shoot up to the clouds that looks really cool but also sometimes murders people when it’s shitty out is an easy concept to wrap your head around, then you’re the dickhead. I refuse to look it up. Please no one tell me. Sometimes I like to go back to my roots and let the mystery be.