Would you get a load of this shit. Whittier, Alaska has a population of 220 people and they all live in the Buckner Building. The building was created as barrracks since up until the 1970s Whittier was just a secluded US army facility. Okay, those soldiers had to live there, who the hell would stay?
So the building in question has everything you would need. There’s two grocery stores, the mayor’s office, police station, a church, a B&B, an indoor playground, and a school that’s connected by a tunnel.
No excuse for being late to school now. All you have to do is take an elevator downstairs. It’s not healthy. Sometimes you need to lay low from your classmates. Like if embarrassing shit happens at school now there’s no where to hide. I remember in the 6th grade, I gave Tiffany Cedar a necklace for Christmas in front of everybody and afterwards I put my hands in my hoodie pocket and pushed my hands outwards out of embarrassment. Everyone said it was because I had boner that I was trying to hide. Very not true. Everyone did my weird boner pose at me for weeks to torment me. My only refuge was dominating the kids on my block in dodgeball where I was still king.
Or how about your first heartbreak? We all remember that one. Imagine getting over your ex when you run into her literally every single day. Not to mention you see the next guy who’s blowing her back out cause they’re riding the elevator together. It’s not some random dude either, it’s your neighbor Steve.
Except I’m not the jealous type, and I don’t go to school anymore. I’ve been fantasizing about moving to Alaska for a little while now. I’ve always found summer to be overrated. Nobody can tell you to do shit in the winter. I don’t know if it’s an old wives tale but I remember hearing Alaska has like three weeks of no sun. Just permanent night time. So year round winter, with extra night time, and all in a home that you never have to step outside again if you don’t feel like?
So who would stay in Whittier, Alaska? I guess I would.
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