Good. Citizen Kane isn’t a movie but a tool used by pricked up nose people to gauge their dumb perception of your intelligence. Movie stinks. An anti-riddle? Rosebuds a sled? Oh yeah good one Orson, you’re so woke dude.
The review was from the Chicago Tribune. It was written by Mae Tineé. Get it? Like matinee. Just when you think this critic couldn’t be any more of a legend. They don’t necessarily bash Citizen Kane in the review, but they don’t suck it’s dick either like every one else.
“It gives me the creeps and I kept wishing they'd let a little sunshine in.”
Go off King! Queen? Your movie’s creepy. Can’t see damned thing! Worst part is, that’s done on purpose and I’m supposed to praise Orson Welles for making a movie I can’t watch if there’s a glare in the room.
I can’t wait to drink the tears of cinephiles for this one. You know a cinephile by, well, them telling you and your shock of seeing anyone describe themselves with a word ending in “phile”. Or it’s in their tinder profile.
Orson Welles was a fraud. He made this movie by starting it where The Great Gatsby ends. It’s the big question everyone has for F. Scott Fitzgerald. Who really was Jay Gatsby? Welles stole the concept and put it on a screen. So it’s really not as original as everyone thinks. That’s not a fact, it’s a working theory I have, but it probably is a fact.
Stop making me feel like I have to like things just because they’re old. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it or understand it, Citizen Kane was a boring movie with the most anti-clamitic ending of all time. It deserved to be knocked down a peg. 100% ratings are reserved for movies without flaw. Now the crown has found the rightful head to rest on, Paddington 2.
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