Hollywood would have you believe that high school reunions are magical places. A chance to settle old scores, overturn unrequited love, and prove to everyone once and for all that they were wrong about you. Romy, Michele, and the American Pie crew all had me convinced that this one going to be one of the best nights of my life. But is anyone even going to these things anymore?
I could see the entire thing in my head. The jock still in his letterman jacket whos 3/4 bald and turned town drunk. The pregnant cheerleader who’s lost a step chain smoking menthols. The nerd who got hot. The quiet kid turned millionaire. But that’s not the case, is it?
One thing you don’t think about as a senior in high school is how you’re only(!) 28 at your ten year reunion. Ten years is an enternity at that age. It’s more than half your existence. You’re going to be so different in ten years! Except none of us really are.
Sure, some people are doing great. But majority still live home with their parents paying off their student loans. Their more sophisticated pallet turned into doing cocaine on the weekends instead of buying dime bags from the kid who graduated two years ago. You got some change in your pocket now. But going from server to bartender wasn’t really the “next step” you were hoping for. We all still drink Fridays and Saturdays, except we stopped playing sports so everyone put on a couple pounds. Otherwise, ain’t shit changed, so do what’s the point of catching up?
Apparently my line of thinking seems to be the consensus since I’m not having a High School Reunion this year. Ten years have gone by and there’s no committee, no Facebook group announcement, not even a group text message. Apparently no one feels the need to relive our private school years just yet. My mother, as she’s contractually bound to do, is very upset over this despite it not concerning her whatsoever. Which developed into hearing allll about her high school reunion.
I’ve seen pictures of my dad’s ten year high school reunion. They were much older ten years after high school than my graduating class is. Anyone in a picture with a yellow hue over it was old even when the picture was taken. They had families with three kids hanging off of them and talked about the remodel they're doing on their kitchen. I’d say less than ten people have children in my class and none of them did it on purpose. My dad’s class introduced their spouses and talked to people they hadn’t seen since high school. They wore name tags just in case they forgot each other’s names already? I know maybe three couples who got married and it was to the same person they were feeling up when the ball dropped in 2010.
I know everything about everyone I went to high school with whether I want to or not. Social media has changed the game. I know the ones who are trying to start their own shitty company with no business model. I know the names of the babies of people who got knocked up. I know the ones who selling cable packages and won’t acknowledge the pyramid scheme they’re in. I know the ones who turned hippie and make videos on their holistic healing methods. I know what the quiet girl who sat behind me in Trig had for breakfast this morning and I’ve never even said a word to her.
Whats there to catch up on? We’ve had impromptu reunions at DJais and Bar A every summer. I didn’t care to hear about what stocks they invested in then and I don’t care for it now. If they had anything interesting to tell me at a ten year reunion I’d reply “Oh yeah, I saw you post that,” and then the conversation would flatline. My parents needed a reunion because they got married four years after high school and never saw anyone again. I saw a kid I was in a school project with once in Belmar and smoked a cigarette with him on the porch and watched the cops write him a ticket for peeing in public.
We’re all caught up. No ones different, nothing drastics happend, and it turns out ten years isn’t a long time. Guess we’ll have to wait til the next one. Which is fine by me. I always needed extensions in high school, and now I have til the twenty year to get my shit together.
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