How Is A$AP Rocky Wearing My High School’s Varsity Jacket?

I always thought that if Rihanna was pictured next to a St. John Vianney letterman jacket that it’d be me next to her. No I didn’t. The above picture has flooded my timeline on platform. A$AP Rocky has decided to don my alma mater’s varsity jacket and everyone in my area has lost their minds over it. 

This has timed up perfectly with that Hungarian study making rounds on the internet that states, “People Who Are Obsessed With Celebrities May Be Less Intelligent.” Given the responses, you would think that A$AP Rocky collectively asked my entire school to come hangout with him and Rihanna. Everyone is shitting their pants. 

The comments, posts, and quote tweets have been embarrassing to say the least. People offering up their own jackets like the rapper is collecting them. Rival school’s alumni suggesting to Rihanna that she wears their letterman. The Asbury Park Press even picked up the story. Everyone wants to know why. 

But the question isn’t why, it’s a fresh jacket, that’s why. But rather how did he get the jacket? How did A$AP Rocky come across a bright yellow letterman from middle of nowhere, Holmdel, NJ?

Please allow me to be one of those idiots who obsess over celebrities momentarily. 

One popular theory is that he bought the jacket from a thrift store. This seems the odds on favorite but let’s explore all possibilities. For starters, ASAP Rocky grew up in Elmwood, NJ which is about forty minutes from SJV. It’s plausible that he knew someone from the high school and obtained it personally. Another prospect is that his stylist went to the school and presented it to him. Or his stylist just saw it and thought it was fresh. But if you want to get really juicy, maybe he slept with someone from the school and took the jacket as a trophy. The women’s jackets are the same exact thing as the mens’. Possible? Sure, but who from the Class Of 03-07 was possibly hot enough to bag the dude who’s dicking down Rihanna? 

If you want to know who’s jacket it is it’s not difficult to narrow down the suspect. First, the emblem on the back is a soccer ball with “03” in the middle. The name of the owner is on the left breast. ASAP has filed the name down to just “na”. So you only have to grab a 2003 SJV Yearbook and look at the men and women’s soccer teams. Look for a “na” in each of their names. My guess is it’s a Christina or Brianna. 

Although, the APP is now claiming to have found the former owner. A Tara Driscoll, Class of 2003. She states that the name script is a “ra” and not a “na”. Tara said she lost jacket years ago and that she would like it back. Seems like a bit of an opportunist to me, I’m not totally convinced of her story. Tara would have had a black jacket which goes with winning a state championship in 2000 which she claims to still have. So you still have the black one but lost the yellow one? Wouldn’t they be right next to each other in the back of the closet? Oh and you lost it and A$AP Rocky just happened to find it? Give me a break. Sounds to me like someone wants their name in the newspaper and a chat with a famous rapper. 

But it is curious. Rihanna had to have commented on it when she saw the jacket. How do you not? Does he know what school the jackets from? Did A$AP or Rihanna google my scho…No. I need to stop. I MUST reclaim my intelligence.