Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Gas Station Plugs Are Essential Workers


Growing up in New Jersey you establish two very important staples in your teenage years: your go-to Wawa order and your gas station plug. If you got one of them fancy gas station Wawas, that can’t be your plug. It needs to be an off-brand sketchy gas station with multiple neon lights and a cashier who’s first language isn’t english. It’s the place you would go to buy cigarettes and Black & Milds when you were underage. 

I’m fortunate enough to have three plugs. Depending where I am geographically, determines who gets my business. I have a different spot for whether I’m at my mom’s, my dad’s or work. But I’ve been going to these guys since I was about fourteen. I’ll be using initials instead of their real names for anonymity’s sake. 

I use VS mainly when I’m at work. Easily the nicest of the three. VS gives me the most discounts and often throws in free vapes for no apparent reason. One time I walked in to three 19 year olds fucking with VS to the point where he looked like he was going to cry. Infuriated, I called these kids every name in the book and made fun of one of their haircuts so badly until they tucked their tails and walked out without buying anything. Ever since VS refers to me as “family”. Sometimes he makes me talk to this girl he’s always FaceTiming. Outside of “hello”, she doesn’t speak a lick of English. I’ll talk to her for five minutes about last night’s Yankee game, what book I’m reading, whatever, and she has no idea what the fuck is going on. But she’s very polite about it. VS absolutely loves it. So do I. 

Whenever I’m at my mom’s SS is my spot. This is where we used to frequent the most as teenagers. We used to walk there in the freezing cold, grab a pack and some energy drinks and bullshit outside the store for hours with SS. On a personal level, this is who I’ve grown the closest to. When our one buddy turned 21, we invited SS to AC with us. Not only did he attend, he comped us a suite in the Plaza. We drank for free the entire night and when SS left to go to some underground boxing match, he left us his player’s card and told us to get whatever we wanted. Didn’t see him for the rest of the night, we ordered $150 worth of chicken fingers and fries through room service. That’s when we found out he was a degenerate gambler. Every time I go in now he shows me his last big win or bad beat. It’s normally upwards of 70k. Which is crazy considering I’m in a fantasy league with him and one time he drafted Harrison Butker and bragged to us that he was going to be the Bills’ WR1 that year. 

Last is SR. He’s a dirty old pervert and a certified gangster. In high school, SR had a makeshift drive thru operation where we never left the car. Which was convenient but also awkward when you had a girl in the front seat. He would ask us if we were going to have “sexy time” and when we’d laugh he’d do this wild screech and tongue flicker. A couple years back, a kid we went to school with tried robbing his gas station with a gun and a ski mask. VS wouldn’t budge. Despite the stellar disguise, VS called the kid by his name and told him he wouldn’t get a cent. The robber started to pour gasoline on VS along with the inside of the store. VS handed him a book of matches. Absolute G. 

I see these guys regularly still because I smoke those douchey throwaway vapes. They’re staples of the community and icons during the coming of age years. And if any of them ever called on me, I would go to war for my guys. 

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