Following this weekend’s series, the Yankees are now 0-6 against the Red Sox, 4th in the AL East, 6.5 games out of first, 5.5 games out of the Wild Card, and undefeated in kicking me repeatedly in the heart balls. The only thing keeping me going is the Red Sox cheating scandal.
It’s very early stages scandal. By that I mean I have no evidence, no facts, no reason to believe that the Red Sox are cheating. I only know that it’s true because I need it to be true. That’s what the MLB is today. If you don’t like someone or something, find a reason to call them cheaters.
Here’s all I got. Sox ended last year in last place. Literally eating the Orioles dust. Nobody took them seriously coming into this year. They had no incoming talent, the starters were suspect, and the bullpen was woof. The only difference between 2020’s last place team and 2021’s first place team is one man, Alex Cora. Known cheater, Alex Cora. Oh where was he last year? Canned by the Red Sox and suspended by the MLB for his contributions in the Astro’s cheating carnival. He had a whole year to sit in his living room and concoct the next evolution in the Apple watches and garbage can bloodline. I don’t know what he’s doing but he’s doing something.
And why wouldn’t you cheat? What’s the consequence? You lose a manager, GM, and a couple front office guys? You show me a single owner who wouldn’t trade them for a World Series and I’ll show you a liar. Hell, I’ll give you Boone for a bag of pretzels.
Now that we agree that the Red Sox are guilty until proven innocent, what can the Yankees do to combat it. Seriously, any ideas? I have no good reasons for why this team isn’t good. Judge, Gio, and Stanton are actually performing. LeMahieu still got it, but he’s underperforming comparatively speaking to the last two seasons. I guess you can’t expect him to bat .340 every year. Gleyber looks like a lost puppy. No one told Clint there’s a game outside of bat speed. Everyone’s back on Gary’s dick completely disregarding the past practice that he’s probably a week and a half away from taking a month long vacation. Any starter not named Gerrit Cole is 4.00+ era. Not to mention, I don’t think it’s time to panic, but if you don’t have a lump in your throat while defending Cole you’re lying to yourself. The pen has been alright. The base running has been little league. And someone, anyone, needs to punch Boone in the fucking face. Wake him up.
I’ve never been so lost on a trade deadline. Trade for Scherzer? Marte? Gallo? I don’t know if this teams worth it. The kid we traded for Taillon has a 2.00 era and 64 Ks in 45 innings pitched, so that’s great. The Scranton team has a AAA best 32-13. Maybe take a peak down there? Dominguez had his pro debut today. I don’t care that he went 0-2 with a walk, call him up. Fuck it, hit out the nukes. I’m kidding obviously, that’s ridiculous, irresponsible, and counter productive. But also I don’t know how much I’m kidding anymore.
I mean, as much our pitching takes slack, it’s still Top 10 in era as a whole. We’re above league average in OPS, and the long ball is still right there. Plus people forget we’re out our 2 and 3 starters in Sevy and Klub….no. I need to stop. I’m going to talk myself into thinking we’re fine. We’re not fine, this is Stockholm’s syndrome. Steinbrenner’s syndrome even.
The only actual contribution I can think up is to give CC a blank check to watch every single game inside the dugout. Media is coming at us from angles, along with our fans, and loud mouth Sox fans. I love Judge, and how he handles the media, but we’re lacking a command presence in that locker room.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I looked up hitting statistics from the Sox last year to this year hoping I’d find something and came up empty handed. They were hitting last year. Hitting the shit out of the ball this year too. But they’re still cheating, and I’m going to figure out what it is. I’ll keep going until I find something or I come up with a better lie. Or until the Yankees make a run. Whatever comes first.
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