I’m perpetually looking for new sports to fill my free time and different ways to lose my money. I gave soccer a go this year and immediately went with Man City strictly based on them being in first for the Premier League. Heartbreak in my first year of fandom, as they lost the Champions Cup final. Looking to fill my soccer void, I decided to lacrosse a look.
Following my soccer model, I checked to see who won it all last year and decided to be a Whipsnakes fan. I’ve never seen a lacrosse game. Match? Not at any level, not even my friends’ high school game. So in order to pop my cherry, I watched last year’s championship between the Redwoods and MY Whipsnakes.
Lacrosse is chaotic but there’s a poetry to it. It’s violent and clunky, but somehow smooth at the same time. I don’t think I’ll ever play it, but so far, I do think I will continue watching it.
The physicality of the game isn’t a classic brute type of violence. Like it’s not a bloody Nate Diaz or a broken nose JJ Watt kind of carnage but more of a suck your teeth kind of pain. Which I think is worse. I’d rather be punched in the face than stub my toe really hard, if that makes any sense. Those sticks definitely hurt and I was pissed that the players were pretending like they didn’t. At one point the ball was on the ground getting kicked around, and this maniac comes up and just starts whipping dudes in the shins. It would’ve been enough for me to drop my stick and walk out the stadium right then and there.
The ball that they use makes absolutely zero sense. There is just no way that they all see that ball. The reaction times are insane, and I honestly don’t understand how more people aren’t getting blasted in the face by this thing. The goalies? Biggest balls in the world. The average lacrosse shot is around 90-105 mph and weighs the same as a baseball. Like imagine Aroldis Chapman told you to that he was going to throw a baseball at your chest in the hopes that it goes by you, and your response was, “Nah I think I’ll block it instead.” Are you kidding me? I would fucking sprint in the opposite direction if a lacrosse ball was shot at me. Any sort of save is nothing short of a miracle.
I do have some notes. I don’t understand why someone who scored from behind the arc got two points but the guy who pulled up from half only got one. Do they wear cups and if not, do they immediately die if hit in the jewels? Also, the slow-mo needs to be just a little bit slower for a more dramatic affect.
Only thing for me to do now is learn the players. I want to know the rivalries, the gripes, the drama. I need to know why people are getting their fingers bitten off. I think this will really take off once the betting is more availble. I live in New Jersey and between DraftKings and Fanduel the only thing I can bet right now is a future on the league winner. Betting on individual games will undoubtedly get the blood pumping, but for now I’ll just throw a future on my Whipsnakes.
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