They’re bad. Real bad. Bunch of dickheads really. They make it look like the Yankees get tossed softballs. It feels like all of their newspapers are at The National Inquirer’s level. This is their mainstream stuff.
Ok so they have paparazzi, big deal. So does America right? Yeah I guess, but we leave that to the weirdos at TMZ for the most part. Imagine if TMZ bought and controlled the NY Post. That’s what they’re working with across the pond.
It’s no secret that legitimate news is at war with the internet. Any blogger or schmuck with a Twitter handle can break news nowadays. So little things like ya know, fact checking, has to take a backseat in the story arms race. Which is where the UK gets wild. They straight up just make shit up. They lead the league in YOLO balls. Is that also a problem here? Sure, but not nearly on the same level or frequency.
Here’s a list of libel cases the UK tabloids have lost to give you a glimpse of what wankers they can be.
- Liberace sued in 1959 when an article was published strongly hinting that he was gay. Was he gay? Probably, but who gives a shit. Liberace never publicly acknowledged his sexuality and this tabloid knew damn well that homosexuality was still illegal in the UK at the time.
- In January of 2007 a picture of Kiera Knightley was posted in the Daily Mail with the caption “If pictures like this one of Kiera carried a health warning, my darling daughter might have lived.” Fucking heavy man. That’s a lot to put on a woman suggesting she has an eating disorder without a shred of evidence. Then implying that she’s somehow responsible for the death of your daughter.
- Former First Lady, Melania Trump sued for millions of dollars when the British media published an article stating that she “provided services beyond simply modeling”. That same article literally said word for word, “there was no evidence to support the allegations”. Doesn’t matter, headlines flew off the shelves. You can’t just decide who’s a prostitute for fun. They paid the Trumps and issued an apology on their website retracting their insinuations.
-Parameswaran Subramanyam, we all remember him. Held a 23 day hunger strike to raise awareness to the Sri Lankan civil war. The man was regarded as a hero to his people. Well, British media didn’t like that one bit and wrote an article saying that he was secretly downing burgers when no one was looking. Cut him right at the knees, he was shunned by the Tamils after that. Poor dude starved himself, literally had to go to the hospital for it and the tabloids were like “no he didn’t”. I’d be lying if I said this one didn’t make me giggle, but it’s funny for a Tweet/blog to suggest, not a legitimate news outlet.
-Elton John won a libel case after the tabloids completely made up a story about him banning people from talking to him at a charity event.
-Piers Morgan literally quit Good Morning Britain today over this Royals fiasco. Well in 2004 he was big time fired as Editor for the Daily Mirror after he ran with a story that included pictures of British soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners. Whole thing was a hoax. Completely made up, and Piersy fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
- After humanity’s sweetheart Freddie Mercury passed away, the Daily Mirror decided to go scorched earth in the most tasteless way of all time. An unwarranted attack on Freddie was written while his body was still warm. The author suggested that AIDS was a form of suicide in his Freddie’s circle and had this to say about his legacy, “In fact he was sheer poison, a man bent- the apt word in the circumstances- on abnormal sexual pleasures, corrupt, corrupting and a drug taker.” I mean good God you couldn’t be more of a piece of shit if you tried.
Many have fell victim to the pressure of the British microscope, but their cash cow is, and always will be, the Royals. Harry sued a few years back when his phone was hacked by the tabloids themselves! His nudies found the covers of newspapers and his private messages became public record. Which is beyond insane, but we all know the biggest tragedy in tabloid history. His mother Diana.
Despite the many conspiracies surrounding Lady Diana’s death, the most concrete accepted truth is that the overwhelming British media played a big part in her accident. Lady Di snuck out the back of a restaurant with a close friend to avoid the tsunami of paparazzi cameras. When word hit the mob that she fled she was hunted down by camera ninjas on motorcycles to get a shot of her. The collision between the motorcyclists and Diana’s car were estimated to be at around 100 mph. A doctor on the scene said when the rest of the tabloids caught up, they started to photograph the bodies at the sight of the wreck, although they were never published. Some journalists were actually held and charged with manslaughter although the charges were later dropped.
It feels like after Oprah’s interview with Megan and Harry, everywhere you look there’s disdain for the British media. So if you were wondering what people meant about them being trash, this is what they were talking about. Like I said earlier, dickheads.
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