In Trevor’s newest stunt to become the most annoying person in the MLB, he’s now pitching with one eye closed. Why? Because he loves attention. Bauer claims it’s to help his command but the only thing he wants command over is Twitter trends. He’s not a team guy. Trev is an “I” guy. Do you know who isn’t too fond of your new delivery? People who actually only have one eye.
I have a friend with only one eye. Lost it when he was like 50 in a hockey accident. Maybe not a friend friend but like a family friend. Put it this way, he’d show up to my wake if I died.
One eyers are regularly the target of offensive behaviour. No one keeps an eye on their feelings. I’m not sure why. Maybe because eyeballs are gross. Seeing someone pull out their fake eyeball is enough to make a guy want to Oedipus shank himself. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t a group that should be protected.
Here is a list I’ve compiled that I found people with one eye find offensive. If they’re angry you shouldn’t call them Nick Fury. If they’re pissing you off you can’t threaten them with The Goonies. If they mumble you can’t say “Speak up Minions.” During Halloween time, don’t ask them if they have a pumpkin patch. If they jump scare you, don’t say “Nice one, Wazowski.” And if you have two eyeballs, don’t pitch with one.
Bet you didn’t think of that, did you Trevor? Exploiting cyclops. Not everyone has the luxury of full sight like you. Some people would kill to pitch with both eyes. Have a heart you self obsessed dickhead.
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