There was no cheeky way to do that title. Some things just need to be straight to the point. You might be wondering if this was some kind of passion fueled domestic between a troubled couple. Wrong. Two strangers walking past each other in the street who started an argument. Scottish people do not play.
I can’t find what the two were arguing about but I know what followed. The female, started walking away but apparently tongue boy wasn’t quite finished with her and decided to follow her with a “clenched fist”. The woman decides to kiss him and in the midst of their intamcy, snatched his tongue.
The kiss is easily my favorite part. This is not this woman’s first tongue, it’s too savvy a move. How stupid are us men that she knew she could thwart his assault just by offering a little smooch. She bit off 2 by 3 centimeters! I’m no mathematician but I’m pretty sure that’s his whole tongue. How did she get that much? Cause his whole fucking tongue was down her throat, that’s how. This guy went from I’m going to try and knockout this female I’ve never seen before to, “oh shit I’m about to get laid!” to, BOOM best case scenario I talk like Mike Tyson for the rest of my life. Worst case, Ilyn Payne.
I haven’t even gotten to the seagull yet. Actually, what’s there to say? The seagull took the guys tongue and ruined any chance at surgically replacing it. Fuckin oppurtunist seagull, not really much to add to that. I will say this though, I haven’t completely ruled out that this woman didn’t summon that seagull to finish the job.
Just don’t fuck with Scottish people. I have a bit of expertise in this area. My mother was born in Scotland and I’m terrified of her. The Scottish only have two gears, maim like violence or Lewis Capaldi. There’s no in between. So if you come across one in the wild and don’t have any idea what they’re saying just smile and nod. Don’t and your tongue might end up as a baby seagull love seat in a nest somewhere.
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