You all thought Alfred was bullshitting when he said, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” Queue the Riff Raff, Tip toein in my jawwdan’s.This man is either a peg legged shoe pirate or he revels in watching the world delve deeper into chaos. OR he’s just the dumbest criminal of all time.
You can watch the video of this criminal mastermind here accompanied by an article from Miami’s Channel 7 News. If I may, I’d like to take a crack at some of the things mentioned in the article.
“When the crook couldn’t get into Luxe Miami from the front of the store, he decided to get inside by cutting a hole in the roof.”
It goes on to say that this all occurred at 2:30. AM. In Miami. Okay so clearly we’re not dealing with so calculated attack here. I know drunk behavior when I see it, and this is a drunk man. Which would also explain the whole only taking the left shoes bit. Sober criminals don’t try the front door first.
“These crooks, they actually made three holes on top of the roof, two of them not being in this business..”
I’m sorry crooks? CrookS, like with an “s”? Crooks makes it sound like this was a predmeditated heist that was planned out by multiple people. Like they lowered the guy in Mission Impossible style and no one argued when he sent back up only left shoes. Three holes made in the roof, the first two were in the wrong store. That’s because the guy was hammered.
If you want to catch the Left Foot Bandit, make a list of every bar and club in a two mile radius. Ask for every surveillance footage from 1:00 to 2:30 and watch the guy walk out. Once you pin down the bar see what card he used for his tab and there you have it.
The poor owner went on to say that he just wants the shoes back and wouldn’t even turn the guy into the police. Unfortunately for him, there’s two types of people who wake up after a night of drinking and fucking up. The kind that wake up and see 100 left footed Yeezy’s and Jordan’s and think oh fuck I need to fix this. And then kind that says I’m going to pretend this never happened, get rid of the evidence I don’t want to look at it. Let’s hope for the former.
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