We can all pretend that we don’t care about drama until the cows come home. You don’t care who Kim Kardashian’s fucking, you don’t care what the teenagers on Tik Tok are doing, or what Nick Cannon’s latest baby momma has to say. Yeah yeah me either. But I still I click, still I steady my finger on the scroll by. I’m not afraid to admit, this latest Tik Tok beef has my undivided attention.
It’s rare that we get an online feud where both sides get shit on ruthlessly. When both sides are equally hated, the reaction videos pump out nothing but gold. Meet the players in the beef that’s taken Tik Tok by storm: Modern Warrior (Lance Tsosie) and Chealsea Hart.
Modern Warrior has built his platform shitting on white people. I’m not going to sugar coat it, I think he’d proudly agree with me. Majority of his Tik Toks start out by saying “Hey Colonizer” and then blaming anyone with fairer skin for the atrocities done to the native community that happened centuries ago. I don’t know, I’ve always found him pretty funny. He makes people reeeeally really mad. Unreasonably mad. And he legitimately thinks he’s a warrior. Like he’s taking on the entire country but really he’s just stirring up angry co-eds who pack half a tin in one lip. Then he’ll turn around and post thirst traps of himself shirtless and chopping wood. Like, I know what you’re doing dude.
Then there’s Chelsea. Everything you need to know about Chelsea can be found in her pinned Tik Toks here and here. She’s not a big fan of men. In fact, most of her videos are contrived of reminding us just how much she is not a fan of men. All while doing this weird hybrid British accent because apparently she did a stint in London. So much so that she has to put in her profile “I’m not British.” Right under that Chelsea tells us she’s “Queer AF”, which, fair play, since the hating men thing. In fact she made a video saying that when she says she hates all men she doesn’t mean Modern Warrior. Well, well, well.
In a series of a bunch of Tik Toks on Chelseaheartisme we learn that our Modern Warrior and Chelsea Hart fell into a romantic involvement. A relationship that Chelsea claims Lance promised her was exclusive. When Chelsea found out that Lance was slinging cock around the country she was not a happy camper. Chelsea claims that she was manipulated into a sexual assault and Lance made a response video apologizing for not being an effective communicator.
That’s when we got one of the wackiest Tik Toks ever made: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdUF2y6v/?k=1
Modern Warrior you raw doggin sonofabitch! A lot of alleged information in one video. Chelsea off the rip claims that she “may be” pregnant with Lance’s child. Then goes into her trauma of losing a child and implies MW used that vulnerability to boogie. Then there’s the “yOu FuCkInG kNeW!” line that I’ve watched no less than 100 times. Couple in the great lighting and the music in the background for dramatic effect and we got ourselves a slugfestt.
A lot of the reporting from here on out is hearsay and conjecture from reaction videos. Plus some DMs posted from the “influencers”. Lance claims that he spoke with Chelsea about being polyamorous which he thought she understood. Chelsea found another Tik Tokker with strikingly similar features from skin tone to haircut who claims Modern Warrior did the exact same thing to her.
Women who had experienced miscarriages and sexual assault ran to Chelsea’s defense. Rightfully so, I assume both traumatic experiences are two of the worst things that could happen to a woman. But as the layers on this situation get peeled back, the implications might have been interpreted a bit prematurely.
The alleged sexual assault isn’t defined as sexual assault in any law im aware of. Chelsea says that Modern Warrior denied her “informed consent”. Meaning that if she knew that he was sleeping with other women, she wouldn’t have slept with him. As far as Chelsea losing a child is concerned, it was an abortion, not a miscarriage. Now I’m not saying that an abortion isn’t a traumatic experience in itself, but the information given now seems intentionally vague. The women who initially ran to Chelsea’s defense were now bashing her for using the horrible experiences that they’ve actually endured as a way to garner likes on her video.
Chelsea recruited another Tik Tokker, bananaamarie, who claims she had an identical story as Chelsea. Bananaamarie video gives legitimacy to Chelsea’s claims of Lance’s manipulations towards sex with women. Chelsea even went as far as calling her a “god sent”. But the pendulum wasn’t quite done swinging. A day later Bananaamarie made a follow up video stating Chelsea was blowing her phone up pressuring her into what to say, what not to say, and what to post or not post. She also claims that Chelsea is crying mental health, pregnancy, and “white women tears” for likes and followers on Tik Tok.
To further the insinuation that Chelsea uses tragedy for “clout chasing” British comedians have now threw their hat in the ring. Allegedly Chelsea was involved with a comedian while she was in London. When the two split, Chelsea claimed she was assaulted because the man posted a picture of the two of them in bed with her “shoulders exposed”. The comedian then had a multitude of shows canceled before a big comedy festival in the UK. Apparently Chelsea hasn’t been well received across the pond since the incident.
The peanut gallery is fire. People of all races, ages, and walks of life have come out to shit on both Modern Warrior and Chelsea Hart. For a pessimist and lover of falls from grace of self righteous people, this is Christmas for a guy like me. In classic 2022 fashion we have a white person hater raw dogging multiple white women under false pretenses, and a holier than thou queer man-hater possibly pregnant(?) from a wiener, all the while the internets got the popcorn locked and loaded.
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