Do not go gentle into that good night. Jamie Escander, a Chilean soccer player, scored one final goal from beyond the grave. R-I-PK. While in his coffin, Jamie met the lads on the pitch for one last round of footy. His teammate passed a ball off his final resting place, setting up the assist against what has to be the worst goalkeeper to ever lace em up.
It’s always been twistedly funny to me that wakes and funerals aren’t for the dead but for the living. The dead don’t care what’s going on, they’re dead. Like look what they’re doing with Jamie Escander, they’re just fucking around with a corpse. With our growing demand of spectacles and viral moments, funerals are becoming more and more entertaining.
Like this guy who the mortician dolled up to play one last hand of poker.
Or the baller who was buried in his hummer.
And I’m not criticizing anyone here, I also have a specific send off. I want to be the first dead person to be blasted into space. Loved ones could look up at the stars and think of me. I’d commandeer the entire sky. Plus my body would never decompose. Best part is my last contribution to the universe would go one of two ways. Either I’d enter into a foreign planet’s atmosphere like a burning Phoenix and crash land like a meteor. OR, and fingers crossed on this one, I’m found by intelligent life millions of lightyears away, becoming the most mysterious artifact in the history of their civilization.
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