Don’t Waste Your Football Sunday At A Bar

Ok so you posted the video to your story of the crowded bar with everyone in football jerseys, 25 hanging TVs, and a beer tower on your table, now what? Panic starts to set in. You’ve realized your mistake before the first “J-E-T-S!” chant even begins.   

Being at a bar for football Sunday is not that fun. You’re still hungover from the night before and now you have to put on jeans. All that money that you’re paying for overpriced Bud Light and subpar wings could’ve went into your Sportsbook account. Now you’re in the red before the first snap. The more drunk people get around you, the more conversations start to arise. It’s natural in a bar, but that’s not what you’re there for. The couple fighting in your group caused you to miss an important turnover. The bar is so packed that you couldn’t pick your table. The game that you have the most action on is now around the corner and out of view. If you like a local team I assume it’s fun to celebrate with the entire bar despite the DJ’s incessant air horn and bev nap tornado. But if shit goes south, you can’t show your true inner psycho by whipping the remote across the living room. Worst of all, there’s no Red Zone.

I can’t begin to emphasize what my Sundays do for my mentals. I show up smelling like the night before, with a six pack of Sam’s October in my hand and a bright vape in my mouth. I immediately assert my dominance on one of the couches. I plan on being horizontal for the next nine hours and everyone knows it. We plan our meal normally a minimum of three days before. This week we did Chili’s 2 for 20 each. You read that correctly, one appetizer, two entrèes, and a dessert for each man. There’s four different types of beer, paired with twelve packs of Mountain Dew, Cherry Pepsi, and Ginger Ale respectively. Someone’s girlfriend made a buffalo chicken dip for them to bring. We put in parlays as a unit. Everyone in attendance is in both our Fantasy and DFS league. There’s a lot of WOOing in opponents’ faces and middle fingers shaken aggressively. There’s no bathroom attendant and you can nap for the second quarter of the 4:00 games if you need to. The local game is on the left TV and Scott Hanson graces the right. The week murdered us but we’ve found refuge in Valhalla. 

Your soul is worth more than a fifteen second Instagram story. The demise of your couch has been greatly over exaggerated. You only get one shot at this every weekend, do it right.