I’m aware that I’m aging myself, but I was scrolling Facebook late last night when I came across this video of Mark Zuckerberg throwing a spear. I guess some people are impressed with his javelin throwing? I’m not sure why. The only thing I could think of while watching this was “there’s no way that things touching me.” I think I could take Mark Zuckerberg 1v1 even with a two spear handicap.
First throw was a bit outside, second one was a bullseye. But like, just dunk it next time dude? I know the video is in slow motion, but even sped up it looks like the spear would be going pretty slow. I’d probably even be able to catch it and whip it right back at him. I think it’s his form? His throwing motion looks like mine when I try to throw something left handed. There’s just nothing Mark Zuckerberg could ever do to convince me he’s an athlete. It’s too late, we’ve all already seen that sunscreen picture.
And I know he’s reading this as I write it.
He just has such a punchable face, and The Social Network did not do him any favors. Zuckerberg’s inevitable run for president is going to be so insufferable. I know he doesn’t need to fundraise for his campaign but how much money do you think he’d bring in if he did a pie in the face fundraiser. But instead of pie, you could noogie, wedgie, or swirly Mark Zuckerberg.
Sure, Mark has enough money to buy my family away from me. But even with two spears, I’m confident that I could beat the shit out of him. I just know that deep down that bothers him, and that’s enough for me.
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