Weddings are a wonderful time to catch up with family, enjoy a dance floor under the influence, and remember what it's like to have the prospect of love. Unless you're me, who thinks it's a good idea to call the best man an asshole for making the whole speech about himself. My poor cousin, she didn't deserve that on her special night. I regret getting into a drunken roast-off with her new husband's brother, but he 100% deserved it. Open bars are undefeated.
I'm sure the dance floor for a lot of you is an uncomfortable place to enjoy yourself. Not me, I can cut a rug. I've noticed in the last decade or so that someone made it a rule that it's offensive not to join the dance floor at a wedding. Doesn't seem fair to the awkward people. So it rests on the shoulders of the ladies. They come out in oldest to youngest order to answer the call.
I don't know when the women decided to perform this wedding ritual, but it's an affective spell to conjure souls to dance. Each age group of ladies in attendance have their queue of songs where they must hit the dance floor to show out for their generation. First is the aunts who start us off with either Come On Eileen or Build Me Up Buttercup. Followed by the age group right above mine who join with either Baby Got Back or anything Backstreet Boys. My own generation announces themselves to a Beyonce war cry or I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas, whatever plays first.
You know the scene. Everyone surrounding the bride, screeching, dancing, and unnecessarily pointing at nothing. Everyone's smile is wider than humanly possible while the bride shows off her ring and screams "HE PUT A RING ON IT!" over the "All the single ladies" song. That's how you know the night has kicked off, when everyone dances with the bride. So how will it look with for next generation?
It's going to be a Tik Tok fest. A Charli D'Amelio impersonation contest. It's going to be hilarious to watch. You thought Gam Gam couldn't handle Sir Mix-A-Lot? Wait til her little angel dressed in all white shows up licking her palm screaming "CAN'T TAKE BIG DICK BUT I SUCK ON IT". It will make for pure unintentional comedy.
I owe the generations prior to my own an apology. For a brief second I understood why you constantly shit on us. It seems like so much fun. I'm picturing the Gen Z'ers doing their silly Tik Toks in dresses and tuxedos and getting giddy at the mere thought of jokes I haven't even made yet.
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