RIP Ding Dong Ditch

I saw this picture making it's rounds on Twitter and like what the fuck. I mean, if you called this "Knick Knock" or "Knock Door Run" then go take a shit in your hand. It's Ding Dong Ditch you imbeciles. While reminiscing of cool summer nights of causing havoc on my block I made a depressing realization. DDD isn't just over for my friends and I, but also for generations to come. Death by that damned Ring Doorbell. 

If you were rascals like my gang was, you know that DDD is played by aggressively ringing someone's doorbell and running like hell so you don't get caught. If you didn't know how to play, I don't know maybe you're Mormon or something. The rush of running through random people's front yards, while looking back to see if that door you just harassed is opening, was the closest we got to being high without doing anything illegal yet. But after we conquered our neighborhood, we might've taken things too far. 

Doorbells simply weren't satisfying our fix anymore. During a flee, my one friend threw another friend into a garage and that's how we accidentally discovered how loud they were. We were banging on garage doors for weeks until people started reporting the sound of gunshots. When the cops came and asked us if we had heard anything, we quit garages cold turkey. 

But then, Benchwarmers came out. In the movie, they were playing Ding Dong Ditch and hid in the bushes near the front porch. High stakes. I've always been big-boned, so I was the kid who waited at the sidewalk to get a head start. I hid in someone's bushes once. Scariest moment of my life. I rang and tried my damnedest to camouflage myself in the shrubbery. When the old man came out, I could hear the hate in his breathing. I buried my face in the wet mulch. He screamed something, but I couldn't hear him over the voice in my head. I thought I was dead. I laid there for twenty minutes after he went inside to play it safe. Then I ran the fastest I've ever ran to this day. 

Yes, we also did the Billy Madison shit bag. We got caught by the cops our first go around and never did it again. 

I miss getting in menial trouble. Getting in trouble is scary now. But when you were a kid, pushing that envelope was a hobby. No more, not with everyone recording their doorsteps. Ugh could you imagine the Facebook post to the community page if they caught kids playing this today? They'd treat them as terrorists. It's fucked up really, we're robbing these kids. If you get Ding Dong Ditched, don't narc them out. Play along, be a kid, chase after them knowing you don't want to catch them. Unless you have a sleeping baby or something then fuck them kids.