Let’s All Agree To Ban Thank You Cards

I’ve written thank you cards twice in my lifetime. Once after confirmation and the other after my high school graduation. I remember both days vividly even though they were 10 and 14 years ago. My arm cramped up no matter how much I shook it, my mom yelled at me the entire time, and I couldn’t help thinking how pointless it all was. 

I got a thank you card today for a wedding that I attended in August. I opened it up, read the handwritten inscription, and opened the garbage to throw it out. 

My mom right on queue: “No no no! What’re you doing?!” 

“I read it and now I’m throwing it out.”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Would you rather I held onto it until we move out of this house?”

She ripped the card from my hand, read it herself, and because she has literally never seen the couple in her entire life commented on how pretty the bride is. The card is now hanging up on the refrigerator. 

Was I wrong for trying to throw out the thank you card? What’s the shelf life one of these? At what point does someone feel comfortable enough to say yes, the thank you has run it’s course throw it out. I got it, I read it, it served it’s purpose. Message received. What the fuck is the point of having a whole drawer of thank you cards? It’s amazing my mother has room to hang up pictures of her grandchildren with all the thank you cards she must be hoarding.  

Thank you cards are traditional, they’re polite, they’re outdated and a waste of time. We started writing these things because that’s how we used to communicate. Like a hundred fucking years ago. You don’t see me removing my cap and I’ve never once seen a curtsy? Because we don’t say hello like that anymore. Why are we holding on to thank you cards? Probably Hallmark.

Just because something is simpler doesn’t make it informal. If you ever need to thank me for something, save your arm strength. A text will suffice. If I get a thank you card I’ll only be thinking “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing?” If a thank you is sincere, it’s sincere. The message is important, not the outlet.