Nice Try Sir, But Not My Alma Mater

We alumnus of The University of Alabama like to carry ourselves with class, dignity, and a general attitude of acting like you've been there before. But I'm sure you already knew that. Which is why I am shocked and appalled at the slanderous insinuations that we are hosting dope COVID parties in Tuscaloosa. I mean I never in all my life... 

I'd like to now direct your attention to Dr. Thrasher's Twitter (@thrasherxy). I don't exactly know what his qualifications are but he calls himself a doctor and that's good enough for me. Thrasher went on a 22 Tweet thread completely exonerating The University of Alabama. Don't worry I'm not going to break down each Tweet, that'd be crazy. I'll just sum it up and prove our innocence. 

"The main story everyone is linking to is this ABC News piece, which weirdly has a video of upstate NY but the text is all about Alabama?" 

Well? Case closed. First fucking tweet and everyone looks like big dumb idiots. The video that everyone is yelling at Alabama for actually takes place in upstate NY. Little conspiracy boy Jack Mac couldn't piece that one together while he blogged these parties?

Thrasher goes on to source Wikipedia which is actually legal in Tuscaloosa since it was invented on campus. He talks about confirmation bias, few videos, couple plugs for his new book, yadda yadda yadda. Then another big one. Where's the proof? 

"ABC News doesn't have one reporter who can find even ONE COLLEGE KID who has SEEN or GONE TO these parties? No! Instead they quote a fire chief: 'We did some research. Not only do the doctor's offices confirm it but the state confirmed they also had the same information.'

Well if the fire chief can do 'some research', WHY CAN'T ABC NEWS? ABC can't call the doctors or the state? Can't get on Facebook/Insta/TikTok & find ads of these parties? Can't find ONE KID who went?"

Hallelujah! I mean, get a grip ABC News. Not that I want to get into the habit of quoting Einhorn but that's a very entertaining story, but unfortunately real detectives have to worry about that little thing called ev-id-ence. There were dozens of bros on video bragging to the news about partying during the pandemic on spring break. You mean to tell me you couldn't find one person to go on the record for these COVIDarties? Damn, that's a good name. 

Here's the thing, somebody is trying to frame us to get college football canceled. Nobody wants to get on that field more than us. Nobody wants to keep us off that field more than you. We have a National Championship to win. Take your hearsay and poppycock somewhere else. Now and forever, Roll Tide.

In the event that these parties were actually happening at Auburn, this whole blog is null and void.