I'm still fighting the good fight of not voting or belonging to any political party. But it's getting increasingly more difficult. My original stance was laughing at both sides without much knowledge of what the fuck is going on. But things are serious now. America is serious. I'd like to go back to laughing. Word must have reached the Oval Office of my indifference because Trump is working tirelessly to recruit me. And I gave him my email like an idiot.
How'd the President get my email you ask? Well the short answer is Christmas, if you're satisfied with that skip to the next paragraph. The long answer is that I have 30 cousins on my dad's side and we use the "Secret Santa" method for gift giving. My cousins are made up of a pretty evenly 14 Democrats/14 Republicans split with my brother and I drinking in the corner making fun of everyone while they argue. Christmas of 2016, I picked the leader of the Republican cousins and decided to get him a MAGA hat off Trump's website. I wanted to nuke Christmas. Well, joke is on me because I must have left a box checked and now Trump is back four years later to collect on his assumed support.
In the last week Trump has emailed me ten times. The rest of the Mean Street Posse consisting of Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, a Trump Exec, and Newt Gingrich emailed me a combined sixteen times. I only went back a week but this has been going on for months and I didn't feel like putting that much effort into going through my emails. Page out of Hilary's book. Anyway, they've been asking me out to lunch, wondering if I'm getting their emails, and telling me that they need me and shit. Like, needy much? Take a hint.
I'm purposely not opening the emails so they can't see that I'm actively ghosting them via the Patriot Act or CIA. I'm not being the one who leaves the government on Read. But if anyone has a direct line to the President, please let him know that I'm flattered but not interested in seeing anyone on either side at the moment. Or ever.
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