Tuesday, July 7, 2020

I Hate Biopics

Wanna Win Best Actor? Be in a Biopic


Most of my friends know that I became a Ram's fan back in the early 2000s because of the The Greatest Show On Turf. More notably, Kurt Warner. So when it was announced that the dude from Shazam would be portraying Kurt in an upcoming biopic, I received numerous texts asking me how pumped I was. I lied in every response I gave. I don't actually think it's going to be dope. It's a biopic and biopics suck. 

I'll admit this Kurt Warner flick was a newly found breakthrough in my opinion on the topic. Every recent biopic I've seen has triggered the same response of "Yeah, it was alright". I'm done pretending otherwise. Take your Oscars and shove them up your ass. 

Like most of my opinions though, I don't completely agree with this one. There are always exceptions, 8 Mile being the most obvious one. My raving review does largely stem from a childhood spent being an angry suburban white boy with an unhealthy attraction to a junkie version of Brittany Murphy though. Doesn't make it not a classic. But the rest stink.

I read a lot. Whenever that's revealed, I either get roasted or recommended books. I hate both reactions equally. People love recommending biographies, I think it makes them feel smart. No thanks, I already minored in history I know what happens to Ulysses S Grant. My take on reading has always been that they're like little portable TV shows that help me escape reality. With my escape route in mind, why would I put myself back into the real world? I had no problem admitting that with reading, but why not with watching? Probably because I don't watch movies alone and I don't want to upset my compadre by telling them we just wasted the last three hours being told a story that we already knew. Well not anymore. 

Stop pretending to like things you don't like, it's liberating. Or don't, I don't really give a shit. With all of that being said, I am pumped for the Hype House biopic dropping in 2040. I pretend like I don't know what's going on for appearance's sake, but I just can't quit that drama.

Wow we covered a lot here. Fuck biopics. 

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