Tar and feather me, drawn and quarter, give me sixty lashes, send me to the gallows. Whatever you need to do. Because I have a take you’re simply not allowed to have anymore. I’m sick of saying the things I think I’m supposed to say and instead of saying what I believe is true. I loved Bleacher Creatures vs. the Cleveland outfield.
The Yankees faithful have always been a point of contention for outside fan bases. “You need people like me so you can point your fingers and say that’s the bad guy.” Well the bleachers sure gave everyone enough reason to point their fingers this weekend.
This all kicked off when Cleveland’s break out rookie Steven Kwan ran into a wall chasing down a fly ball. Look, nobody wants to see Kwan hurt. He’s on my fantasy team for Christ’s sake, I extra don’t want to see him hurt. But that play turned into a double off the wall as the Yankees were mounting a ninth inning comeback. The fans were siphoning their own electricity at that point. If you run full speed into a wall, people are going to laugh and you’re going to hear it. It’s slapstick comedy 101. You think Steven Kwan is the first player to run into a wall? What were you expecting, a prayer circle?
This prompted the biggest fake tough guy move from Cleveland outfielder, Myles Straw, who decided to climb the wall to confront the crowd. Straw, a player from the “Break All The Rules” generation. Who make MLB commercials promoting bat flips, ripping jerseys, throwing tantrums, and overt celebrations can’t handle a little heckling from the crowd. Give me a break. If a fan screaming “U mad!?” is enough to break you, maybe you’re not the cool fun guy players you think you are. Write a Player’s Tribune diary entry about it that no one will read and get over it.
Which brings us to the incident. Someone threw a beer can from the bleachers while the ball was still in play. Shitty move. You want to ban the initial fan, I agree with you. But then everyone’s mouth started watering with headlines and trigger words like “player safety”.
Really? That’s what we believe? We really think Myles Straw and Oscar Mercado’s lives were danger? Beer stops being sold in the seventh, the most those cans had in them were backwash. Be honest. They were fine. Nothing hit them, nothing happened. One beer thrown is an issue. Thirty beers thrown is a response. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Don’t forget it was Myles Straw who broke that player/fan barrier first. Not the fans. You want to come into stands, fine. But as far as I’m concerned, now you get treated as a fan. When you say “hit me motherfucker” to a bunch of goombas who’s wife-beaters have been cutting off their circulation for nine innings, you’re gonna get hit. Now you get showered in eight rounds worth of Coors, Millers, and Bud Lites.
Do you what I thought when I read Myles Straw’s comments on the Yankees having the “worst fan base on the planet”? Good. Lean into it. Feed off the hate, relish in it. You come to our house you deal with our lineup AND us.
Kwan, Mercado, and Straw went a combined 0/10 the following day. The Cranberries couldn’t be more in your head.
And in case the hand gestures didn’t get the point across, I think the “Guardians” have the pussiest players on the planet.
If it were up to me, I would have put out t-shirts the next day saying “Welcome To The Bronx” with the pussy hands smack dab in the middle of the chest like Superman’s crest. Cause me? I always tell the truth… even when I lie.
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