We all have that core memory of your Dad sitting with you at the table yelling because you don’t understand your homework. You fight back tears as he tells you you aren’t having dinner until it’s finished. At least I hope we’ve all had the moment? Fuck.
Regardless, I get it now. He was taking out his freustration on me, not because I didn’t understand it, but because HE didn’t understand it. So rather than admit defeat, he pretended to teach me a lesson because he was unable to give me all the answers.
Take for instance, Dan Haren’s kid’s homework that he posted. I’m going to post the picture below and it better fucking work otherwise this blog is useless. I’ll include the link below the picture just in case.
A four year old?! How? Who the fuck illustrated this? Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code? Impressive 15 minute finish for the former A’s pitcher. My Dad wouldn’t have stood a chance. I don’t think I stand a chance.
Let’s try and break it down row by row. It appears you have to rhyme the first picture with another picture in it’s row.
#1
Chicken- friend? Chicken-couple? First one’s out. Chicken-spider? Chicken-web? Nope. Chicken-duck? Goodness. Double back. Maybe it’s not a chicken. Hen-friend? It’s not the best rhyme, but it’s the best I got.
#2
First impression isn’t great. Bed-books? No. Bed-shelf? Bed-library? First one’s a no. Bed-net? I mean probably not, but maybe? Third picture, bed-front? Bed-leader? Wtf is that. Final answer: bed-net.
#3
Ok, I think that’s a vet. Vet-leg? Mehhh not great but we’ve accepted worse. Vet-plane? No. Vet-red? Right? I think red’s at the top of a traffic light. This homework is breaking my brain. None of them really rhyme but I think vet-red wins. Eminem could make that rhyme.
#4
Feeling good about #4 after first glance. Pen-friend? Maybe, but I think we can do better. Pen-ten? BOOM, open and shut case. Not even gonna go to the third picture. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I have no idea what they’re doing in the last graphic.
#5
Fuck. Got way too cocky after 4. Looks like a kid with melted ice cream. Is it hot? Or messy? I mean he’s got it all in his hair. Let’s go with hot. Hot-married? Hot-wedding? Hot-parents? Ok, not the first option. Hot-lion? Hot-den? Shit, no. Hot-mouse? Hot-rat? Hot-pet? What’s happening? We’re leaving this last one blank.
There you have it. I’d hand this in with hen-friend, bed-net, vet-red, pen-ten, and blank. Literally only one of them actually rhymes. I’m confident I’d get a 25% if this were a test. This is four year old level work and I am very concerned for myself.
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