Yes, that Big Bird. Do you know any other Big Birds? Last seen wearing yellow feathers, no shoes, possible CDS history, approximately 7ft tall. Someone check in on Elmo, I know a criminal when I see one. Guy can’t handle sharing the spotlight.
No but for real. Apparently there’s an international Sesame Street circus and somebody stole the Big Bird costume in Australia. Convicts. At first I wondered what kind of sick fuck steals a popular costume from a kid’s circus. Until I found out that it’s worth $160,000. Im sorry? Are the feathers made out of gold? No, ostrich feathers apparently.
The circus director seems optimistic they can find Big Bird before he hits the black market. You know somebody has a fetish. The director told reporters of evidence found that could help lead to the BB Bandit.
“He’s left a couple of feathers for us down Port Road, so maybe some of the cameras on Port Road will help us.”
Umm excuse me what? That makes it sound like Big Bird has become sentient and is plucking his own skin off as some kind of Hansel and Gretel trail to find him. If police find Big Bird they need to pump a couple rounds into him first to make sure he hasn’t become conscious. Because if he has, that would literally be the scariest thing to ever happen.
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