Return of the Kings

For the first time in 13 years every SEC coach is returning to their post. It's important to note the last time this has happened was in 2006. The following year Nick Saban will be hired as the next head coach at the University of Alabama and change the standard for coaches in the SEC forever. Winning won't be enough anymore, you need to stuff the trophy cases or get left behind. Here's how many coaches each SEC team has had since 2006. 

Kentucky- 3 Rich Brooks, Joker Phillips, Mark Stoops 

Georgia- 2 Mark Richt, Kirby Smart 

Florida- 6 Urban Meyer, Will Muschamp, DJ Durkin (Interim), Jim McElwain, Randy Shannon (Interim), Dan Mullen 

South Carolina- 3 Steve Spurrier, Shawn Elliot (Interim), Will Muschamp 

Missouri- 2 Gary Pinkel, Barry Odom 

Vanderbilt- 4 Bobbie Johnson, Robbie Caldwell, James Franklin, Derek Mason 

Tennessee- 6 Phillip Fulmer, Lane Kiffin, Derek Dooley, Jim Chaney (Interim), Butch Jones, Brady Hoke (Interim), Jeremey Pruitt  

Texas A&M- 7 Dennis Franchione, Gary Darnell (Interim), Mike Sherman, Tim DeyRuter (Interim), Kevin Sumlin, Jeff Banks (Interim), Jimbo Fisher 

LSU- 2 Les Miles, Ed Orgeron 

Miss St- 4 Sylvester Croom, Dan Mullen, Greg Knox, Joe Moorhead 

Ole Miss- 4 Ed Orgeron, Houston Nutt, Hugh Freeze, Matt Luke 

Arkansas- 7 Houston Nutt, Reggie Herring (Interim), Bobby Petrino, John L Smith, Bret Bielema,  Paul Rhoads (Interim), Chad Morris

Auburn- 3 Tommy Tubberville, Gene Chizik, Gus Mahlzahn 

Alabama- 2 Mike Shula, Nick Saban

During Saban's reign, six SEC Coaches of the Year have been fired; Will Muschamp, Jim McElwain, Kevin Sumlin, Sylvester Croom, Gene Chizik, and Les Miles. Appreciate your returning coach while you can because I guarantee they won't all be there this time next year. 

Art of the Deal

Big week for Arts. Artie Lange is back in handcuffs and Art Briles is back on the gridiron. But only one should actually be considered a criminal. According to Ryan Young of Yahoo Sports, in a lawsuit 31 of Art Briles' former players settled on 52 counts of rape from 2011-2014. But Briles was 40-12 in those season so he kept his mouth shut and let his program run wild. 

Briles lost his job in 2016 when multiple allegations of violence against women came to light. The Head coach's negligence to report the misconduct made him a conduit to multiple sexual crimes. Baylor let go of their Briles despite having 39 million left on his contract. 

Since 2016 Art has been trying to weasel his way back into football. The closest he came was to the Southern Miss offensive coordinator job. Southern Miss up until this point was really only known for Brett Farve, so clearly they were used to turning a blind eye towards sexual misconduct. Good for the campus though, the community of Hattiesburg put enough public pressure on the AD to veto the Head Coach's decision to bring on Briles.  

Art Briles was hired by Texas high school Mount Vernon on Sunday. Why you may ask? 

 

Rivalry Bru'in

What are we to do with Bru. Bru McCoy was ranked as the 9th overall recruit in the 2019 recruit class by 247 Sports. For those of you who don't know, Bru committed to USC during the All-American game on January 5th of this year. He enrolled early and was even already attending classes. Kliff Kingsbury was the offensive coordinator at the time of Bru signing his letter of intent. Three days later Kliff hit them with the ol' well actually it's been a cool month here but I'm gunna go coach the Cardinals and draft Kyler Murray instead. That's when Bru was like wtf dude, that's shitty, now I'm gunna go to your rivals and become a UT Longhorn. So USC lost their offensive coordinator and top recruit in the matter of days all because Kyler fricken Murray decided to play football instead of baseball. 

Bru commits to Texas on January 25th which prompted this awesome tweet from the Longhorn's QB, Sam Ehlinger: 

This league! Am I doing that right? Texas and USC still hate each other over the Greatest Game Ever Played (that's right, fuck you Shia Labeouf), the 2006 Rose Bowl, Vince Young vs Reggie Bush. So, ballsy move by Bru McCoy to jump ship like that but he's still like an 18 year old kid so whatever get off his back. 

That's how I did feel. DID. Now USCFootball.com is reporting that Bru McCoy is considering re-entering the transfer portal to head BACK to USC. 

Reading up on Horns247, it sounds like no one is really sure why McCoy would want to leave. Bru is liked by his teammates, and he holds his coaches in a high regard, and was poised to make an immediate impact by inheriting Lil'Jordan Humphrey's target shares. So what's the deal? Maybe it's because his immediate eligibility appeal isn't going so well. Since he enrolled in classes at USC I think he's supposed to sit out a season. If he goes back to USC can he play right away? Is that it?

Or maybe Bru's just freaked out that Tom Herman won't stop smoochin him. If that's the case Bru, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Follow your heart, you know like Coach Herman said when you transferred, "I applaud Bru and his courageousness to say 'Hey this is not where my heart is and I'm going to do something to change that." Maybe he forgot his heart in Los Angeles? 

Whatever the outcome of this is, one thing is evident. Players are addicted to the transfer portal and the NCAA needs to do something about it. Quick.  

A Young Memorial

This past weekend for many of us was filled with summer houses, solo cups, bikinis and bong rips. A celebration? Mourning? Who knows. But the reason we're able to miss work/school on Monday and drink our faces off all weekend is because of the men and women who have sacrificed their lives for generations in order to give us the right to do so. Meet Young Bussey.

Young Bussey was QB1 for the LSU Tigers in 1937 and 1938. He led the team in passing and rushing all the while continuing his milk route to provide for his family. Bussey was terrorizing D's, laying the D, delivering Vitamin D, and getting straight As to graduate with a degree in petroleum engineering. He went on to be drafted by the Chicago Bears. 

In his one year as a professional, Bussey played both sides of the ball, was selected to the All-Star game, and helped the Bears to a championship win over the Giants. The final game of the season was December 7th, 1941. The day Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. Legend has it that's when Young Bussey decided to enlist in the Navy. 

Young Bussey soon became Lieutenant Bussey. He fought in the Battles of Guam, Kwajalein, Peleliu, Leyte, and Luzon. Young Bussey sacrificed his life in the Battle of Lingayen Gulf at the age of 27. A Japanese mortar struck his landing craft and his bodied was never recovered. 

Young Bussey's biography Young Bussey Young Stud: An All-American Legend by Ralph B. Cushman is availible on Amazon. 

So I hope you enjoyed your beer this weekend, enjoyed the sun, enjoyed the beach. Just remember the American badasses that couldn't to make sure that you could.  

Hand Crafted Burgers

If we get in fucking trouble because Da'Shawn Hand said he used to sell burgers in Tuscaloosa for $5 a pop I'll have an aneurysm. Burgers sounded pretty bangin, don't get me wrong. Egg, swiss cheese, Sweet Baby Ray's glaze and seasonings that African-American twitter has repeatedly reminded me I've never tried before. I'd throw a fiver at that. But keep your trap shut DaShawn. 

Now I'm no lawyer so I'm not going to pick apart the  language of the NCAA bylaws but I am aware that student-athletes can't sell their autographs, jerseys, and stuff like that. So does selling burgers fall in that category? Not for me to decide. But it would be fitting for Da'Shawn Hand to upset me even after he's left campus. He's only ever been a disappointment. In four years and thirty-four games with the Tide, the former 5 Star and 6th overall recruit only recorded 71 tackles and 9 sacks. Hand was drafted by the Lions in the fourth round, to live out his days in Detroit and spill all our secrets. 

Florida Georgia Crime

Clear your schedule for November 2nd cause things are getting fuckin chippy in the Southeast. Dan Mullen is talking hella shit for a team who lost 36-17 to Georgia last year. He's become addicted to taking shots at Kirby Smart's program. I'm not sure he could stop even if he wanted to at this point.  

Is Dan Mullen justified in talkin that shit? Maybe. He turned a 4-7 team into a 10-3 team in one year. Plus the Gators beat the breaks off Michigan in the Peach Bowl 41-15. Yeah they lost to Georgia last year but most of that team weren't players he recruited. This year Mullen brought Georgia back into the top 10 recruiting classes for the first time since 2014 (per 247 rankings). 

Here's a timeline of Dan clowning the Dawgs:

- "Listen, winning one SEC Championship doesn't make you a dominant program, you know what I'm saying? In two of the last three years, we've been to the SEC Championship Game. So even a blind squirrel finds a nut every one in a while." Calling Kirby a blind squirrel for taking a two year team to an SEC Championship and then the Natty (runner up) is just too funny to not tip your cap.

- "I'd think we did a poor job recruiting if guys were coming in and then immediately walking out the door because it was something different than what they thought it would be and we lied to them during recruiting, or we sold them on a dream that wasn't true." Ricochet shot on Justin Fields transferring from Georgia after only one season. ESPN had Fields rated as the number one overall recruit. 

- Dan Mullen said that there was 39,476 people in attendance for their spring game and that the number was significant to a rival. It's been 39 years and 476 games since Georgia last won the National Championship as per the FloridaGators Reddit page. Good for whoever figured that one out cause I mean, come on. I didn't know there was gunna be math?

- Georgia scheduled a home-and-home with FSU in 2027 & 2028 which is absurd in its own right but heres Mullens take on it, "We play Florida State every year, right? Georgia is playing them. They're trying to catch up to us, I guess. Toughen their schedule." 

Ok so it isn't exactly a great timeline cause I don't have the dates but whatever he still said that shit. Take a breath Dan. He can't see a microphone without thinking of Georgia and the CFB community is starting to come down on him for it. This is what Paul Finegod had to say about it on Birmingham radio show, The Roundtable, "It's devastating, primarily because of Dan Mullen's mouth. He's been running it for months, frankly, he's been running it since he was born. I was in his office three and a half weeks ago, I heard him running his mouth about Georgia and it caught up to him and now all those people who have been sitting around going 'I wonder why he's doing that?' are turning on him." Kind of a snake move out of the Finebaum camp if you ask me. Being on the show is one thing but him making comments in the trust tree of his office shouldn't be made public knowledge. 

Kirby has had plenty of opportunities to retaliate with all the chaos currently happening in Gainesville, for instance: 

- As Jack Mac pointed out two weeks ago, Florida lost QB Jalon Jones to the transfer portal after he was accused of two sexual assaults that occurred within thirty minutes of each other.    

- CB Chris Steele who 247 Sports had ranked as Florida's number one recruit and forty-second overall prospect of the 2019 class also entered the transfer portal after being named in the Jones police report as a witness. 

-After the Steele debacle, Gator players tweeted and deleted posts like "If You're not a Gator...You're Gator Bait shhhhh!" That was tweeted out by Trevon Grimes accompanied by a picture of Grimes standing next to Steele on the ground with the football in his hands. 

-Not to mention Kirby has beaten Mullen in back to back seasons. He kicked the shit out of him with Miss St 31-3 in 2017, and then beat him again last year as a Gator.

Did Smart get slick? Nope. He could've trashed the program and trashed Mullen but he really only had one thing to say on the subject, "We like to talk with our helmets." Fuck, man. 171 more days.    

CFB Coaches Read Sort Of Mean Tweets

https://twitter.com/CFAPeachBowl/status/1124022749956063237

So the twitter handle for the Peach Bowl has been tweeting out videos of our beloved coaches in the off-season. Think they're a bit out of their lane to be tweeting in May when their only job is to just have a game played after Christmas. But hey, it's sponsored by Chick-fil-a so expect nothing less than above and beyond. No days off. Except Sunday. 

The video in the above link shows Dabo Swinney, Gus Mahlzahn, Urban Meyer, Dan Mullen, Matt Luke, and Mack Brown reading mean things about themselves that people have tweeted. Problem is, that they're not that mean. 

For example: 

"Dabo Swinney looks like the kind of guy that would take church slow-pitch softball way too seriously." ZINGGG the reigning CFB Champion's coach looks like he's competitive. 

"Dan Mullen looks like he puts his shirts on with the hangers still in them." That's a complement. Very broad, only means Danny's brolic. 

"Mack Brown looks like a presidential candidate that I would not vote for." Translation- Mack Brown looks like he could have a very successful career in politics. 

Theres more but you get the point. They didn't even feel awkward reading them. 

So I've compiled actually mean tweets for the Peach Bowl Twitter. Just in case they're ever able to corner these coaches in a country club again. 

That last one is such a classic dad joke. Love Rick bringing the heat. I knew what he looked like before even seeing his avatar.

 

 

I don't know what that last one means but I'm pretty sure it's a dagger. 

The Suckeyes! For fucks sake, no wonder Urban retired. 

Fuckin Todd!? Dang, really coming at Dan's looks here. Can't wear Jordans to cover your face.

  

Good luck recruiting against the Bey Hive with your leaky douche tits, Gus. 

Luckily I found no mean tweets about Nick Saban, Roll Tide. 

A Quinnen Attitude

Quinnen Williams was once again a big hit today when the red light turned on. Whether he's cutting himself off on a Kyler Murray answer or blessing and thanking himself mid interview, that big braced smile has been capturing America's heart for the last couple months now. There is no one in the world happier to play football right now than Q. But how did he get so happy? 

I don't know how happy people generally are getting drafted by the smelly Jets but Quinnen is off the rails. In explaining why he's been fan-girling over Leonard Williams he had this to say, "You gotta think about it at the time, like seven months ago, I didn't even know if I was gunna start. So to be in this position right now I'm like bro this is crazy." Wild. The 2018 Consensus All-American and John Outland recipient was battling in the trenches for a starting spot in August. Here's how he panned out: 

https://twitter.com/RickyRBR/status/1058914418560561152

I don't know if that link will work but it's a sweet clip of Quinnen bulldozing an LSU double team for a sack. If the link doesn't work just take my word for it, it's dope. Quinnen went on to have 8 sacks and 19.5 tackles for loss which led to the Jets taking him 3rd overall in this years draft. But would all of this been possible if he had left Alabama? 

Nick Saban as of late has been stressing the importance of developing a player before they fill a starter role. In recent years Saban has had players such as CJ Mosley, Reuben Foster, Daron Payne, and Josh Jacobs all not start until their junior year and still be drafted in the first round. With college free agency right around the corner that practice could become extinct. Big name players like Justin Fields, Tate Martell, and Jalen Hurts are normalizing the immediately eligible transfers that could kickoff the trend to leave if you don't start. Diamonds aren't made without a little pressure. 

This what Quinnen Williams had to say about the possibility of transferring on College Sports on Sirius XM, "I thought about transferring, but knowing the Alabama process and the Alabama standard is second to none, I was willing to wait, willing to sit behind great guys who were great leaders, who taught me how to be a professional on the field and off the field." 

So to the discouraged underclassmen: tough it out, keep learning, put in the work, fuck around and get drafted 3rd overall.  

P.s. Fuck the Transfer Portal and Manny Diaz too.