Three years ago, three of my friends and I decided to start a Big Brother draft before each season starts. With no gameplay to go off of, we draft purely on looks and internet profiles. It’s $100 a head and whoever drafts the winner takes the pot. Last year I correctly predicted the winner before a single episode dropped so I’m basically a genius. Or Sherlock Holmes. At the very least psychic. I have my draft tonight so here are my power rankings.
16. Daniel Durston, 35, Vegas Performer
First one out is normally someone without a great first impression or someone who stirs the pot too quickly. Daniel has the makings for both. He’s a self-acclaimed loud and obnoxious player who says he does not want to work with loud and obnoxious players. See the issue? He’s 6’3” so the HOH can justify it by claiming he was going to be a physical threat without much blood on their hands. Since he says he’s a theater guy, I reserve the right to rescind this ranking if Daniel is gay because they rock at reality competitions. Nobody wants to come across as the bigot who voted someone out when the only thing they knew about them was their sexual preference.
15. Terrance Higgins, 47, Bus Operator
Honestly, the fedora would be enough for me to keep him around. As a 47 year old, Terrance is coming across more cocky than I think he should. He claims to be an “alpha male” who wants people to “stick to the plan” and not be comfortable. Looks alone makes me think he’s a chill dude but his profile is claiming otherwise. Terrance is literally a bus driver and the second he’s not the one not behind the wheel of the decisions I think he’ll create too much tension.
14. Indy Santos, 31, Flight Attendant
Before I read a single word of her profile I said to myself, “that’s a mean girl.” Her answers did not disappoint. She basically told the interviewer one their questions was a waste of time, is already calling people lazy before meeting them, and was the only one to go the God route. When asked what other contestants might not like about her she said her personality. Her personality! Also hailing from Brazil, she reminds me a lot of Abi from season 25 of Survivor. High potential for this year’s villain and a top notch entertainer.
13. Alyssa Snider, 24, Marketing Rep
Ya know for a marketing rep she can’t market herself for shit. Easily the most boring profile on the list. I know nothing about her besides she considers herself bubbly. If you can’t impress on the profile you’re not going to impress in the house.
12. Taylor Hale, 27, Personal Stylist
Taylor said that the best advice she got was to let people assume that she’s dumb. Which sounds to me like she’s grooming us for how dumb she is so she can then claim it was all an act. Taylor says that strategy won’t be her strong suit so I don’t really know what her angle is. She was the only one to bring up the possibility of a showmance, so maybe it’s possible she’ll woo a comp beast into carrying her to the end.
11. Jasmine Davis, 29, Entrepenaur
This year’s southern belle of the group hails from Georgia. I believe she’s the third female contestant to describe herself as some variation of “ditzy” which is concerning. Hopefully she can surprise us with her enterpenaur background. I just don’t think she has enough confidence in herself to go far. Jasmine said she hopes to float with the jocks which is normally something people of the show use as an insult.
10. Matt Turner, 23, Thrift Store Owner
That’s exactly the kind of eccentric look I want my thrift store owner to have. However I’m not sure that Matt is going to work well enough with others to go very far. It could just be his age showing in the questions, and maybe he’ll be more open-minded in the house, but he appears pretty standoffish. He’s the quirky guy, I get it. He doesn’t want to work with the jocks. But when you use the line “your network is your net worth” and state you don’t want to work with the people you believe will hold all the power from the comps, then you’re too hypocritical to adapt.
9. Paloma Aguilar, 22, Interior Designer
Another one who didn’t give much info other than that she’s been coached by her psychologist father. Which if that means her lack of intel is gameplay then, kudos. Paloma is the baby of the house which normally translates into a little sister type role. I just don’t know if that’s going to be enough.
8. Kyle Capener, 29, Unemployed
At first glance I thought I was going to have Kyle much higher on the list but his profile came off kind of douchey. It was the glasses that fooled me. Unemployed is definitely a red flag if it makes him lazy around the house. On the one hand Kyle said he doesn’t like conflict. In a complete 180, he also said he’ll butt heads with the Type-As, will play hard, thinks people might be upset with his jokes, and hopes to not get into too many fights. At 6’3” he’s got the frame for comps. For his sake he better hope to win early to gain favor before his personality comes out. I put him smack dab in the middle because I wouldn’t be shocked if he wins it all or is the first contestant voted out.
7. Monte Taylor, 27, Personal Trainer
Monte feels like the guy who will fall victim to the first backstabbing of a power alliance. He’s definitely yoked enough to be a comp beast but I don’t see him being much more than that. When I think trainer I think meathead. He claims he has a mechanical engineering degree but what does that say that he’s not a mechanical engineer?
6. Ameerah Jones, 31, Content Designer
There’s no other way to say it besides Ameerah has a kind face. I trust that face. But her profile was anything but. Ameerah says she plans on being straightforward whether what she’s saying is nice or mean. Her sugar and spice approach is perfect for Big Brother. The only thing that worries me is her affliction towards people who are “two-timers”. She wants to only work with people who are 100% loyal 100% of the time. Which by the nature of the game, just isn’t plausible. At the end of the day there’s only one winner and you can’t take it personal when people play the game.
5. Joe “Pooch” Pucciarelli, 24, Assistant CFB
I’m not going to lie when I first saw Pooch I thought he was going to round out the end of my list. I’ve dealt with too many people from Staten Island to think otherwise. But Joe seems very self aware and even pokes fun at his appearance. Being a college football assistant coach tells me two things. One, he can manage big personalities and two, he’ll probably be a weekly competitor for HOH. If it’s true that he’s a “lackadaisical” and “caring” guy, which has not been my experience, he’ll have a real shot at 500k.
4. Brittany Hoopes, 32, Hypnotherapist
If I was surprised by Pooch, I was blown away by Brittany. There’s something about bangs that make me nervous. Add that she’s a hypnotherapist and a kid’s toy tester, and you get one confused TKJ. But Brittany appears to be a true student of the game. She claims to have a notebook with over forty pages of strategy to try in the Big Brother house. That’s dedication. According to her answers she has a clear plan of hierarchy and likely the brains to pull it off. She’ll need at least one HOH to certify herself as a clear contender but I think she might just pull it off.
Marvin Achi, 28, Chemical Engineer
Textbook triple threat. Built like a brick shithouse, intellect of a chemical engineer, and answers that made him seem so wholesome. A Momma’s boy with brains and biceps. The only thing that worries me is he might be a little too much like Kyland last year. It’s inevitable that you’re going to break hearts and dreams in Big Brother, and when the “nice guy” starts getting blood on his hands other contestants look at him like he’s unraveling. Hopefully that big smile will convince them otherwise.
2. Nicole Layog, 41, Personal Chef
Last year Tiffany completely flipped my perception of women 40+ in this game. Nicole is already coming into this game with the advantage of being a personal chef. No one wants to vote out the only reason you’re eatin’ good. But being a good cook is literally her floor. Evaluating her physical appearance she looks like she can hold her own in comps. Samoan maybe? She describes herself as super positive, a fierce competitor, and someone who’s strongly against floaters. And goddamnit I believe her. She’ll feed you delicious meals to make you feel safe and it’ll be too late when you realize it’s been laced with poison the whole time.
Michael Bruner, 28, Attorney
Drumroll please. Michael checks every single box. Unsuspecting? Look at that cat shirt. Comp beast? 6’4” frame. Charming? Described himself as having gangly noodle arms. Competitor? Law school and claims he’s intense and focused when there’s something he can win. His job is literally jury management. Michael will know when to ramp it up and when to soothe it out. He’s nerdy yet physical, intelligent yet goofy, kind yet cutthroat. And all his answers were perfect. I don’t doubt that his eyes are on the prize yet he has a team player mentality. Michael says he wants to fight hard for those who will fight hard for him. Given that last year’s winner was also an attorney, I feel good about this number one pick.
If you feel like you’re too cool for Big Brother (I did), check your ego at the door. It’s dramatic, engaging, has GUTS like competitions from our childhood, and will bring you right up to the football season. Sprinkle in a little gambling like we do for some skin in the game and you’ll be hooked in no time.
First one out is normally someone without a great first impression or someone who stirs the pot too quickly. Daniel has the makings for both. He’s a self-acclaimed loud and obnoxious player who says he does not want to work with loud and obnoxious players. See the issue? He’s 6’3” so the HOH can justify it by claiming he was going to be a physical threat without much blood on their hands. Since he says he’s a theater guy, I reserve the right to rescind this ranking if Daniel is gay because they rock at reality competitions. Nobody wants to come across as the bigot who voted someone out when the only thing they knew about them was their sexual preference.
15. Terrance Higgins, 47, Bus Operator
Honestly, the fedora would be enough for me to keep him around. As a 47 year old, Terrance is coming across more cocky than I think he should. He claims to be an “alpha male” who wants people to “stick to the plan” and not be comfortable. Looks alone makes me think he’s a chill dude but his profile is claiming otherwise. Terrance is literally a bus driver and the second he’s not the one not behind the wheel of the decisions I think he’ll create too much tension.
14. Indy Santos, 31, Flight Attendant
Before I read a single word of her profile I said to myself, “that’s a mean girl.” Her answers did not disappoint. She basically told the interviewer one their questions was a waste of time, is already calling people lazy before meeting them, and was the only one to go the God route. When asked what other contestants might not like about her she said her personality. Her personality! Also hailing from Brazil, she reminds me a lot of Abi from season 25 of Survivor. High potential for this year’s villain and a top notch entertainer.
13. Alyssa Snider, 24, Marketing Rep
Ya know for a marketing rep she can’t market herself for shit. Easily the most boring profile on the list. I know nothing about her besides she considers herself bubbly. If you can’t impress on the profile you’re not going to impress in the house.
12. Taylor Hale, 27, Personal Stylist
Taylor said that the best advice she got was to let people assume that she’s dumb. Which sounds to me like she’s grooming us for how dumb she is so she can then claim it was all an act. Taylor says that strategy won’t be her strong suit so I don’t really know what her angle is. She was the only one to bring up the possibility of a showmance, so maybe it’s possible she’ll woo a comp beast into carrying her to the end.
11. Jasmine Davis, 29, Entrepenaur
This year’s southern belle of the group hails from Georgia. I believe she’s the third female contestant to describe herself as some variation of “ditzy” which is concerning. Hopefully she can surprise us with her enterpenaur background. I just don’t think she has enough confidence in herself to go far. Jasmine said she hopes to float with the jocks which is normally something people of the show use as an insult.
10. Matt Turner, 23, Thrift Store Owner
That’s exactly the kind of eccentric look I want my thrift store owner to have. However I’m not sure that Matt is going to work well enough with others to go very far. It could just be his age showing in the questions, and maybe he’ll be more open-minded in the house, but he appears pretty standoffish. He’s the quirky guy, I get it. He doesn’t want to work with the jocks. But when you use the line “your network is your net worth” and state you don’t want to work with the people you believe will hold all the power from the comps, then you’re too hypocritical to adapt.
9. Paloma Aguilar, 22, Interior Designer
8. Kyle Capener, 29, Unemployed
At first glance I thought I was going to have Kyle much higher on the list but his profile came off kind of douchey. It was the glasses that fooled me. Unemployed is definitely a red flag if it makes him lazy around the house. On the one hand Kyle said he doesn’t like conflict. In a complete 180, he also said he’ll butt heads with the Type-As, will play hard, thinks people might be upset with his jokes, and hopes to not get into too many fights. At 6’3” he’s got the frame for comps. For his sake he better hope to win early to gain favor before his personality comes out. I put him smack dab in the middle because I wouldn’t be shocked if he wins it all or is the first contestant voted out.
7. Monte Taylor, 27, Personal Trainer
Monte feels like the guy who will fall victim to the first backstabbing of a power alliance. He’s definitely yoked enough to be a comp beast but I don’t see him being much more than that. When I think trainer I think meathead. He claims he has a mechanical engineering degree but what does that say that he’s not a mechanical engineer?
6. Ameerah Jones, 31, Content Designer
There’s no other way to say it besides Ameerah has a kind face. I trust that face. But her profile was anything but. Ameerah says she plans on being straightforward whether what she’s saying is nice or mean. Her sugar and spice approach is perfect for Big Brother. The only thing that worries me is her affliction towards people who are “two-timers”. She wants to only work with people who are 100% loyal 100% of the time. Which by the nature of the game, just isn’t plausible. At the end of the day there’s only one winner and you can’t take it personal when people play the game.
5. Joe “Pooch” Pucciarelli, 24, Assistant CFB
I’m not going to lie when I first saw Pooch I thought he was going to round out the end of my list. I’ve dealt with too many people from Staten Island to think otherwise. But Joe seems very self aware and even pokes fun at his appearance. Being a college football assistant coach tells me two things. One, he can manage big personalities and two, he’ll probably be a weekly competitor for HOH. If it’s true that he’s a “lackadaisical” and “caring” guy, which has not been my experience, he’ll have a real shot at 500k.
4. Brittany Hoopes, 32, Hypnotherapist
Marvin Achi, 28, Chemical Engineer
Textbook triple threat. Built like a brick shithouse, intellect of a chemical engineer, and answers that made him seem so wholesome. A Momma’s boy with brains and biceps. The only thing that worries me is he might be a little too much like Kyland last year. It’s inevitable that you’re going to break hearts and dreams in Big Brother, and when the “nice guy” starts getting blood on his hands other contestants look at him like he’s unraveling. Hopefully that big smile will convince them otherwise.
2. Nicole Layog, 41, Personal Chef
Last year Tiffany completely flipped my perception of women 40+ in this game. Nicole is already coming into this game with the advantage of being a personal chef. No one wants to vote out the only reason you’re eatin’ good. But being a good cook is literally her floor. Evaluating her physical appearance she looks like she can hold her own in comps. Samoan maybe? She describes herself as super positive, a fierce competitor, and someone who’s strongly against floaters. And goddamnit I believe her. She’ll feed you delicious meals to make you feel safe and it’ll be too late when you realize it’s been laced with poison the whole time.
Michael Bruner, 28, Attorney
Drumroll please. Michael checks every single box. Unsuspecting? Look at that cat shirt. Comp beast? 6’4” frame. Charming? Described himself as having gangly noodle arms. Competitor? Law school and claims he’s intense and focused when there’s something he can win. His job is literally jury management. Michael will know when to ramp it up and when to soothe it out. He’s nerdy yet physical, intelligent yet goofy, kind yet cutthroat. And all his answers were perfect. I don’t doubt that his eyes are on the prize yet he has a team player mentality. Michael says he wants to fight hard for those who will fight hard for him. Given that last year’s winner was also an attorney, I feel good about this number one pick.
If you feel like you’re too cool for Big Brother (I did), check your ego at the door. It’s dramatic, engaging, has GUTS like competitions from our childhood, and will bring you right up to the football season. Sprinkle in a little gambling like we do for some skin in the game and you’ll be hooked in no time.
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