In Response To JackMac's Osama Bin Dabo Blog

Is Alabama America's team? Has to be. If Dabo Swinney has proclaimed himself Osama, then his biggest enemy (Alabama) must be America. Did fake nice guy Dabo compare himself to the man who was responsible for 3,000 American lives? Yup. Is Dabo so stupid that he didn't realize that Dabo Bin Laden has a better ring to it than Osama Bin Dabo? Double yup, right in front of his face.

Subsequently, the Crimson Tide have already been compared to post 9/11 America by none other than Nick Saban himself. Following a 2007 loss to a 5-6 Louisiana-Monroe Nick Saban said that his team needs to bounce back like America did following the catastrophic attacks of 9/11. Was it a bit drastic of a comment? Maybe, but Iron Bowl was the following week and we just lost to ULM 21-14.

I officially declare this season's mission of Alabama Football as ZeroDark30. Time to take out Dabo Bin Laden once and for all.    



p.s. I don't know dick about politics but I do know those people not passing the law helping 9/11 victims bill or whatever it is fucked up the second they let Jon Stewart walk through those doors. Fuck those politic people, do the right thing. 

The Steele of the Portal

All transfer portal roads lead to USC. This recruit class has been a headache so far playing leap frog with programs. The Bru McCoy thing is exhausting. To sum it all up in one sentence Bru McCoy signed to USC, Kliff Kingsbury left, Bru follwed him out the door to Texas, Texas rubbed USC's nose in it, Bru re-enters the transfer portal after a few weeks at Texas, Sam Ehlinger (QB1) and Tom Herman (HC) fly out to Bru to try to Mavs/Clippers DeAndre Jordan him, doesn't work, he wants to go back to USC where he originally started *exhale*.

Chris Steele is now on his third school since enrolling with Florida on January 5th. I believe it's not being talked as much as Bru McCoy for two reasons. 1. Bru is a higher ranked recruit than Chris,

2. His transfer from Florida involves a teammate's sexual misconduct and I'm sure the NCAA doesn't want to keep reminding everybody of that. 

So who is Chris Steele? Chris is a highly sought after CB, ranked 42nd overall by 247 Sports, who enrolled with the Gators in early January. During his time in Gainesville his roommate Jalon Jones was accused of sexual battery and it's rumored that Steele was named in the police report as a witness. That's when he decided to get the fuck out of Dodge. His Gator teammates didn't like that too much and subtweeted the shit out of him. 

Steele then decided to surround himself in a more positive atmosphere and verbally(?) committed to Oregon. He told the Athletic that he had a big brother relationship with their CB coach, Donte Williams. So it seemed like the Ducks added a top 50 recruit to their already historic recruit class. 

Now reports are coming out that Steele has changed his mind again. He's decided to head back to his hometown and play for USC. That's when I decided to write this blog. I wanted to rip him apart. I wanted to rip this recruit class apart and the transfer portal apart. I wanted to run outside, shake my fist at the clouds and scream "THESE DAMN KIDS!". Then I read Chris' article with the Athletic. Steele informed the Athletic that his mom recently was laid off and she has never missed one of his games. He said a plane ticket to Eugene, Oregon cost $400-$500. He said that his grandmother was helping to support his family but is now on dialysis. Chris Steele wants to transfer close to his home to help support his family, earn a degree, and play football. He's 18 years old. Sometimes as a rabid CFB fan I forget that these kids are just that, kids. I wish Chris Steele all the luck in the world and hope things work out in his favor. 

According to 247 Sports if both Chris Steele and Bru McCoy head to USC it will drop their Class Rank from 20th to 14th.  

Urban Cryer

There's been a lot of speculation about Urban Meyer returning to coaching college football. Whether it's for UCLA or his beloved Notre Dame, most fans don't believe Urban's coached his last game. Why? Because he loves winning. He's done a shit ton of it. Urban Meyer is a top 20 coach in wins, the number one coach in win pct for three different schools (Ohio St, Florida, Utah), is 13-3 in 

Bowl games, and won three National Championships. Urban's pretty good at winning, but what was his worst loss? 

In an interview with the Columbus Dispatch, Urban Meyer said the 2015 Michigan St. loss at home was the worst of his career. When asked how much he thinks about the game he said, "Every day. I don't blame others. I blame myself. I could have done things better (as a coach) that day." I would make the argument that it sounds like there are other losses that he blames other people for but whatever. Take accountability for all your losses, Urbie. 

Michigan St. came in to that game ranked 9th in the country and the defending champ Buckeyes were ranked 3rd. Fans were claiming that Michigan St. was overrated cause they barely beat a stinky Rutgers and Purdue. Ohio St hadn't really done shit either besides beat Penn St, but they were finishing their year with three straight ranked opponents; starting with the Spartans. 

This Buckeye team hosted NFL stars like Joey Bosa, Zeke Elliot, and Michael Thomas. I'm not really sure how they ever lost. But they did. Michigan St beat them 17-14. JT Barrett was 9-16 with 46 yards, Zeke was held to 33 yards on 12 carries, and Michael Thomas caught two passes for 8 yards. Ohio St only had 5 first downs the whole entire game. 

After the game the team imploded. Zeke ran to the media to trash the play calling and accuse coaches of killing momentum. It turned out to be the ultimate momentum killer because that game would wind up being the difference maker for the playoffs. A one loss Michigan St. got in over the one loss Ohio St., changing the course of college football history. Oh what could have been. 

For anyone keeping score at home Alabama played Michigan St. in the first round of the playoffs that year and decapitated them 38-0. 

Things Have Not Been Going Well For Chris Evans Since The End of Avengers

Chris Evans is having a rough go it. He was suspended by the school, not the football program, for academic reasons. B/R reported that Evans lost his scholarship, is no longer enrolled at the school, and is currently a delivery driver for a local gyro joint. What the fuck could he have done that they kicked him to the curb so harshly. Evans claims that it wasn't his grades but an "academic mistake". He's gotta be a cheating sonovabitch. Which is really really not good for the Michigan. The NCAA loves sanctions, they hate cheating. 

The NCAA banned the Mizzou football, baseball, and softball from the postseason for one year, docked scholarships, and placed recruiting restrictions all because a tutor said she did a couple of athletes homework. No shit you did their homework, that's exactly what I thought you were doing. If it turns out Chris Evans is in similar boat, then the ship might sail for Ann Arbor. 

Evans is a former 247 4 Star recruit and has totaled 2114 yards and 16 touchdowns for the Wolverines. He won't be eligible to play until 2020.

Celebrity Death Match: Francesa vs Finebaum

IN THIS CORNER THE CHALLENGER COMING IN AT 6'3" 115 POUNDS,  PAUL "PAWL FINEGOD" FINEBAUMMM 

Finebaum has taken an unprovoked jab at the King in the North, and it's not the first time. During Paul's Thursday show he snuck in a dig at Francesa falling asleep. Matt in Texas called in who Paul introduced as a young man looking to start studying sports journalism. Finebaum suggested that maybe he'll mentor him, but he wants ol Matty Tejas to bigger than everyone. That prompted this quote from the Southern Sultan, "I want him to aspire to be higher than what I've done. I want him to be like Bob Costas, or Stephen A. Smith or Mike Francesa. Somebody that you get your own show, you make millions of dollars and you sleep half of the show away." After five seconds of literal radio silence from Finebaum he slipped in a "Nothing wrong with that". 

So Mike took a little cat nap on air once or twice, big whoop. 

This isn't the first time the southern and northern kingdoms have collided either. Back when Mike took a snooze in 2014 this is what Paul had to say, "I never like to make guarantees but one thing I won't do is fall asleep while doing the show." Throw that shade son! 

FINEBAUM FINISHER: THE CHOMP

AND IN THIS CORNER, THE CHAMPION COMING IN AT 6'0", 230 POUNDS, MIKE "NUMBAH ONE" FRANCESAAAA

Since coming out of retirement Mike has been a bit more sensitive to rocks being thrown at the throne. Where the old Mike used to just sweep beefs under the rug, he's more prone to clap back in his old age.  The "Oh who cayes" days might be behind us. 

  

It's time to settle this once and for all. The King of Southern Radio vs the King of Northern Radio. In the ring. LETS GET IT ON!

FRANCESA FINISHER: THE CUNCEL