Have you ever had your heart drop to the center of the earth once you’ve realized you’ve sent a bad text to the wrong person? We’re all experts at phones now, but sometimes our wires get crossed. You become so concerned with velocity that you lose out on accuracy. Maybe you sent the text to the person you were talking shit about because they were on your brain. The ol’ Freudian slip. Or something that was meant for one group chat went to another. Well I’ve done both.
I think I was still a senior in high school for the first one. Couple of the boys around town decided to have a poker night at this kid Robbie’s house. That’s his real name too, I don’t care cause I don’t like him. It’s not like you’re gonna be like “Oh shit! That Robbie?” Well Robbie was talking smack for weeks about how he’d take all our money in poker. I don’t think anyone actually liked him, but he was one of those kids who was on every sports team with us so we just put up with him. Plus he was the only one who could host so we couldn’t not invite him to his own house. Turns out he actually was good at poker and I got knocked out in like the first hour. So I’m texting my best friend like “Fuck this. We’re not letting Robbie win.” So we start cheating. I stand behind Robbie, and every time my best friend goes in with him, I text him Robbie’s hand. Very scandalous shit. It was working perfectly until my dumbass texted Robbie his own hand.
“What the fuck? Why did you just text me my cards?”
“…..Uh… No, I was, like, I was saying that’s a good hand.”
“Fuck this. I’m taking my money back you guys are being sketchy.”
“Shut the FUCK up Robbie, nobody’s being sketchy finish the fuckin game.”
We stopped cheating after that and he ran our pockets.
The second one was way worse. Within each group chat, there are smaller side chats that talk shit about the collective group. And if you’re not in one of those sub-chats either no one likes you or no one trusts you. My story happened to take place in a work chat. Instead of texting my smaller work friends chat, I texted everyone I work with, including the big bosses.
We had a mandatory unpaid work event that everyone needed to attend. Now I had no problem going, I wanted to go, truly, it was an event I would have been proud to attend. But I didn’t… and it was a 9/11 Memorial. Now before you go judging me, I had a funeral the same day for a 36 year-old. Who’s the asshole now?
My bosses were aware that I couldn’t make the memorial, I had already spoken to them and they were fine with it. They sent out the group text the night before detailing the time we were expected, what to wear, and the itinerary for the ceremony. I’ll admit, I had been drinking, I had just left a wake. Seeing an opportunity for a shock value joke, since my work friends didn’t know I wasn’t attending, I sent the following text to what I thought was my work friends’ chat: “Oh I’m not going to that shit. It’s not even catered?” To a 9/11 Memorial. I hate myself. It would’ve landed in the correct chat, it’s mostly dark humor and they obviously would’ve known I was kidding. But I sent it to everyone I work with instead.
I started getting individual messages saying “OMFG YOU DIDN’T!” and “You’re a fucking a idiot.” My blood ran cold, I thought I was gonna pass out. Only my big boss responded to my stupid fucking dumbass idiot text saying, “I’m very disappointed in your response and I hope you make time to attend.” I didn’t even acknowledge my mistake. What was I supposed to say? Wrong text? It made too much sense with what was said. I was joking? About a fucking 9/11 Memorial?! So I just pretended like I never sent it. Texted my boss the next morning to remind him I wouldn’t be at the memorial because I had a funeral and he just said “Sorry for your loss”. And that was it. But I know they think I’m a giant piece of shit now.
This is the part where I’d try my best to impose some wisdom. Say double check your recipients before you start saying dumb shit. But we all know that’s never going to happen. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and accept that you’re an idiot.
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