Kyler Murray Vs. Ronda Rousey

All friends groups have hypotheticals that surpass logic and reasonable timeframes. They’re born in barber shops, long car rides, and backyard tables at 3am. One hypothetical that gets constantly thrown in my face, even years later, is that I would rather fight Kyler Murray than a prime Ronda Rousey.

Some of these hypotheticals get so absurd and dragged out that their origins start to get muddied. This is how I remember the the Rousey/Murray feud beginning. 

When Ronda was at her height, my friends and I gathered around the television for what we were all sure was going to be another one minute fight. It was. The anticlimactic finish and alcohol consumption forced me to create my own entertainment. So I told my “no days off” friend that Ronda would whoop his ass. As I made my list of legitimate reasons why, I was screamed at, berated, and called an idiot by a bunch of New Jersey Jets fans. 

Cut to 2018, Kyler Murray’s senior year. Alabama is playing Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl and I’m watching the game with the same group of neanderthals. I’m so jacked up that I make a comment about how I could sack Kyler myself right now and promptly beat the shit out of him. Here’s what followed:

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. So you kick the shit out of Kyler Murray no problem?”

“Yes.”

“But you think Ronda Rousey would beat the shit out of all of us?!”

“Yes.”

Chaos ensues. 

Lets break it down. Do I have bias against Kyler Murray as an Alabama fan? No I don’t, he just sucks. Quarterbacks are barely even used to being tackled now. Nevermind being punched in the face. What does Kyler do the second he sees human contact coming? Runs like a little bitch. Does he have 3 inches and about 70 lbs on Ronda? Yes. Will it matter? No.

We’re talking prime Ronda here. This is what these fighters do day in and day out. They get punched in the face, bleed out, bodies contorted in ways that make me think I broke something just by watching it. And at the time, Ronda Rousey was one of the best doing it. She was 10-0 in the UFC at one point with seven submissions and three KO’s. Only two of those ten fights went over the 1:00 minute marker. Ronda was sleeping people. She’s been training on her footwork, breathing, jabs, ground technique since a toddler. Ronda is slipping everything Kyler’s throwing and countering him right in the kisser. And I’m telling you right now, he sure as fuck doesn’t want to take her to the ground. 

And how quickly we forget Oklahoma QB’s record vs mma fighters. Spencer Jones got molliwhooped by an mma trained Walker Brown in an Oklahoma bathroom like. Choked the fuck out and face smeared in pee pee.

I personally think Ronda could take Kyler on her feet. But if they get to the ground, his arm is hers in less than twenty seconds. He’ll never throw again. They’re not trained the same. They’re not built the same. Ronda’s mother was the first American to win a World Judo Championship! She was born with a damn umbilical wrapped around her neck! Ronda Rousey’s been fighting since her first fucking breath! There’s only so far you can run in an octagon. Packers money line tonight +220 I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED!

Not Everyone In The Fast & Furious Cast Is Family

We had one of those rare, heartwarming, moments on the internet this weekend with Vin Diesel escorting Paul Walker’s daughter down the isle. Cutting onions, is it getting dusty in here, you know all the lame stops that people pull out during a wholesome internet post. But it was a genuinely nice moment. Time to get back to normal, so please allow me to ruin that. 

Vin Diesel’s character, Dom Toretto, is so obsessed with saying “Family” that it’s become a running Twitter meme. This weekend he put his money where Toretto’s mouth is, and walked his deceased friend’s daughter down the isle. But how extended is his family? Because it sounds like him and Dwayne Johnson hate each other. 

The feud rumors started swirling after Dwayne went full Rock calling out “chicken shits” and “candy asses” in a 2016 Instagram post about people on the Fast Franchise set. “Some male costars conduct themselves as stand up men and true professionals, while others don’t..” He never named Vin Diesel outright, but everyone including Vinny knew he was referring to him. Was The Rock legitimately pissed or was it just a good ol’ fashion promo cut?

The two flirted back and forth for awhile after the gram post. Playing nicey nice while spending that space Lamborghini money. But nothing gets past the internet. People were quick to point out that Vin and Dwayne didn’t appear in any scenes together. The Rock went on to film a Fast spinoff, “Hobbs and Shaw”. No Vin Diesel, only Jason Statham. At least I don’t think he was in it, I didn’t see it. But I can tell you how it went: Hobbs and Shaw got in trouble, they jumped a sports car off a ramp, Rock did the titty dance and they all got away trouble free. After the spinoff, Dwayne Johnson announced he would not be partaking in any more Fast & Furious movies. 

I’m not sure if the announcement brought Vin Diesel out of his cage. Hell, I wish they’d all make that announcement. But VD surfaced in a 2021 Men’s Health article to give his reasoning for the rift between him and the most electrifying man in sport’s entertainment. Essentially, Vin Diesel said that Dwayne was a wrestler and not an actor. “My approach at the time was a lot of tough love to assist in getting that performance to where it needed to be…As a producer to say Ok, we’re going to take Dwayne Johnson who’s associated with wrestling, and we’re going to force this cinematic world, audience members, to regard his character as someone that they don’t know”. 

Two weeks ago Dwayne did a cover story with Vanity Fair. When asked about Diesel’s quote The Rock said he “laughed and laughed hard.”  He went on to explain that he shouldn’t have done it publicly but that he meant what he said. Doubling down, he alleged that nearly every crew member even secretly thanked him for the post. 

So while it was nice to see Vin Diesel step up this weekend, remember that was Vin and not Dom. Dom Toretto doesn’t exist. There is no person who adopts everyone he meets who he’ll go to the ends of the world for. Just a regular guy with both friends and foes, doing something nice for a buddy he lost. Because I f Dom Toretto did exist, he doesn’t give a fuck about my family or he’d stop making these shitty movies that I’m forced to bring my nephews to see.

Scenes From An International Airport

For all intents and purposes, people watching is on life support. Sitting down and watching the world pass you by is a thing of the past. There’s too many tweets to read, snaps to skip through, bets to place and lineups to set. People watching clings to life in small pockets of the world. Disney World, for one, because the weirdies are too good to pass up. But airports is a close second. 

Once you get past the long lines and $12 Cheez-Its, the airport is a magical place. People of all ages. People from all walks of life. People from all over the world. All squished together, stressed the fuck out. Maybe you miss your flight. Maybe the pilots mentally unstable. Maybe you have to sit next to a guy like me. The opputtunities are endless. And the people do not disappoint. 

I took in the sights this past weekend while traveling to Tuscaloosa for the Bama game. Here were some of my favorite scenes and interactions. 

-My trip started out with a bang. Maybe a poor choice of words, the bomb dog indicated on me. Little dickhead sniffed hard on my backpack for no reason. Instantly I hear, “WE GOT A WHITE MALE 221! WHITE MALE 221. I NEED A SUPERVISOR IMMEDIATELY!” Which is what everyone wants to hear when they think they’re about to miss a flight. Good news was, I got to skip the rest of the line. I don’t have TSA precheck, I know. Bad news, I was about to be molested by a very nice 60 year old Indian man. I towered over him and he looked more nervous than I did. He asked me if I wanted to do my search in a private booth or in front of everyone. I had nothing to hide, let the people see. His sigh alerted me that I had made the wrong decision. Going inside my ass crack was just the tip of the iceberg. With two shaky hands, he swiped left and right on my tallywacker, moving it all around my Nike shorts. Apparently that wasn’t thorough enough because then he had to go up and down. Basically picking up and dropping my winky like ten times. So I did what I always do when I’m uncomfortable, I joked about it. I made eye contact with the man who basically had my dick in his hand and said, “I know, not very impressive right?” He laughed way too hard for my liking. 

-While waiting to board, a middle aged white southern man was trying desperately to explain to a young uninterested black couple why the need to watch Ted Lasso. “You don’t know what you’re missing! You’ll never believe who the lead guy is. That man, the main guy, from We’re The Millers! So different from his normal roles. I’m not used to seeing him like that….YOU’VE NEVER SEEN WE’RE THE MILLERS?!”

-A guy on the plane who didn’t understand the rules or just didn’t give a fuck about them. Almost right after taking off, in the middle of the ascent, plane basically perpendicular to the ground, is precisely when this guy decides is the most opurtune time to get out of his seat. The flight attendant damn near had an aneurysm over the intercom. “Please remain seated until we’ve reached the appropriate altitude to move about the cabin!” So he started waving her down like if she stood up in the isle she wouldn’t fly to the back of the plane and break her neck. “I will address any concerns or needs once the Captain gives the okay to move about the cabin!” People were NERVOUS. And then the guy settles in his seat and goes, “I need to take a fucking piss!”

-While having my last smoke break, a woman being dropped off at her terminal gets out of the car with the base bumping so loud I hear it through my head phones. She’s dressed like Michael Jackson. Looks like a million bucks. She’s yelling something so I take my airpods out. She’s singing/screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!” twerking so low that if she wasn’t leaning on her suitcase, I was confident she’d fall over. Probably wouldn’t have stopped her. The driver’s door flies open nearly missing an Uber and the driver climbs on to her Honda twerking and screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!”

-On one particular flight, a pasty white girl with tussled pink hair sat down next to me in a two seat row. As she walked down the aisle, I noticed her noticing my Ella French Chicago PD hoodie. Her eyes damn near rolled out her head. Because I’m nosy, I looked at her texting after she sat down. She told her group chat “I think I’m sitting next to fucking cop on my flight.” It was followed by some choicey words. She reconsidered to her chat when I pulled out my comic book to read. I was in her head. My sweatshirt and baldness screamed cop. My facial hair and reading material suggested otherwise. She wasn’t sure whether to hate me or not. So I made the decision for her. Holding my phone at arm length and parallel to my chest, inviting wandering eyes, I texted my buddy and said “The girl next to me on the plane smells like everything bagels.” I heard her audibly gasp. Who cares, you’re never going to see these people again. They’re basically NPCs. Slept like a baby all the way to Charlotte. 

-My flight home boarded around 10:45 p.m. back to Newark. Everyone was noticeably tired with the exception of the young family in front of me. Well, the parents didn’t look that young, but they had three boys and the oldest was maybe six. Screamed the entire flight. Took up a whole row on both sides of the aisle. The two oldest boys sat in a row with the mom and screamed at each other over various toys that they didn’t feel like sharing. Not a single shush. The parents didn’t even try to get them to quiet down. The best attempt came from the mother who suggested to her husband that he take the oldest to separate the two fighting. Which like, maybe just sit in the middle of them? Problem solved. Dad shut it down anyway because he couldn’t read a room to save his life. Then mid-flight, with all the lights off and people trying to get comfortable, this idiot whips out his iPad and takes a whole fucking photoshoot with the flash on. Hey pal, your kids have been screaming bloody murder the entire flight, maybe don’t add flash photography to the reasons of why everyone hates you. Your kids are one thing, they’re kids we get it. But you’re a grown man, act like it. Then this middle-aged angel who I was sitting next to who I was so sure was out cold goes, “Some people are trying to SLEEP!” The parents were so shook. They wanted none of that smoke. It was the perfect moment. The awkwardness hung in the air for the rest of the flight. 

Next time you need to catch a flight, look up from your phone. Take your headphones out. Sometimes it’s frustrating, sometimes it’s wholesome, sometimes it’s hilarious. But it is always, always entertaining. 

Former Rams/Bears Running Back Claims NFL Is Scripted

More evidence coming in that we’re living in the Matrix. Benny Cunningham is dropping some heavy HEAVY accusations. If the NFL isn’t real, nothing is real. It’s the last pure thing in my life, you can’t take that away from me. So let’s try and figure out if ol’ Benny Boy is telling the truth. 

To argue against the NFL being rigged, we need to consider the source. According to pro football reference, Benny Cunningham only had four rushing touchdowns with seven hundred and ninety-seven rushing yards in his entire six year career. That doesn’t exactly lead to a big pay day in the NFL. The former running back has racked up contracts totaling $5,966,000. Which is roughly a $852,000 yearly average. Which is booku bucks to a pissant like myself. But after watching the “Broke” documentary, I’m not convinced this money was sustainable. 

Maybe it was, I don’t know Benny? But it surely makes that last line of the tweet questionable. “Who want the full story…” I imagine the highest bidder does. While trying to investigate Benny’s current lifestyle I found myself on his Instagram page. Only one picture of him scoring a touchdown. Thanks for all your help Benny. Not much to work off of until I noticed his bio said “Entrepreneur… MGMT - @1UniversalNetwork”. Okay so he’s management (maybe) for this 1 Universal Network, let’s see how it’s doing. The account is private, it’s tagged a clothing company, an artist development company, and a sports drink company in the bio. 1UniversalNetwork only has 315 followers. My friend’s dog has more than that, safe to assume they’re not really moving the needle. Which begs the question, is this just a cheap gimmick for a money grab?

Plus if the NFL was going to rig the league I doubt they’d have the players sign something letting them peak behind the curtain. Loose lips sink ships, and that’s asking nearly 27k men to keep a secret. 

But what if he’s telling the truth?

Whenever you’re facing something like this, it’s important to envision a reality in which all outcomes are true. 

This is a 91 billion dollar company we’re talking about here. We think they got there by being squeaky clean? Year after year the Super Bowl is America’s most watched programming bringing in around 100 million viewers. That doesn’t happen by accident. Each Super Bowl has it’s title, it’s underlying story, it’s own soap opera type drama. And Benny Cunningham isnt the first NFL player to come out and accuse the league of scripting it’s season. 

But no, it can’t be scripted. Why would they constantly let the Patriots win when the NFL hates them so much? Unless… that’s what they WANT you to think! It’s like the weapons companies that purposely start wars to sell both sides nukes. Create the drama, profit off the reaction.

I can’t allow this to be true. If there’s a script I’d need to get my hands on it. That’s unlimited money? It’d be a more impressive heist than Nic Cage taking the Declaration Of Independence. But it’s not true. Can’t be true? Unless of course, we live in a Matrix in which case everything is scripted and we’re all just following our programming. 

Fuck Coach O

For whatever reason Coach O has reached this level of stardom where it’s become taboo to say anything bad about him. I think deep down it’s because nobody takes him seriously so everyone’s like “Cmon on dude, it’s just Coach O?” But I’m still paying my Alabama loans and I’ll protect my investment. I don’t owe Orgeron nothin. Fuck him. Scumbag.

Coach O’s biggest moment of his career, not the National Championship, but beating Alabama 46-41 in Tuscaloosa. Despite Tua having one leg and being two weeks removed from surgery but that’s neither here nor there. Ed knew that was the real championship game. Don’t believe me? Look back at his locker room celebration. 

“We gon beat their ass in recruiting! We gon beat their ass every time they see us! You understand me?! Roll Tide what?! Fuck you!” - Jobless Bum who Alabama spanked the following year in Death Valley 55-17.

Motherfucker thought I forgot. 

The guy simply can’t coach. He can’t scheme? He’s not an offensive or defensive mind. He’s a DLine coach who can yell really loud in a raspy in voice. Coach O has lost eight games since his Tuscaloosa championship. Saban’s only lost twice with a Natty to boot. 

Not everyone is built to handle success. Coach O going full simp after winning a title was so obvious that I can’t believe I didn’t guess it before The Athletic reported it. I mean bringing chicks to practice and letting their children run drills? Ed has essentially been diminished to that guy who wants to do a fantasy league with the girlfriends. His Pussy over Playbook antics have led to the Tigers 9-8 record over the past two seasons. Which resulted to LSU having a hit piece locked and loaded to ease the minds of those swamp slurpers when they “mutually part ways”.

I find the timing of this announcement curious. I honestly believe every move an SEC Coach makes is a poor attempt to try and disadvantage Alabama. Tide vs. Tigers is two games away. Declaring it as Coach O’s final game in Tuscaloosa is his last Hail Mary to pump up the team enough to sneak out a win. Not gonna happen.

Lightening in a bottle with Joe Burrow. The guy can’t coach. His only redeeming quality is that no one knows what the fuck he’s saying. What does he do? Say “gumbo” here and there to make journalists cream their shorts and forget LSU’s record? But you know what, I’m flying down to Tuscaloosa this weekend. I’ll see if I can get that resume to Saban for you. I’m sure there’s a position coach or special analyst spot for you in Nick’s Rehabilitation Center For Troubled Coaches. 

Geaux home, little buddy. Roll Tide.

The My Buddy Dates A Psycho Survival Guide Vol 1

Some people love to stick it to crazy, others like to stick it in crazy. A good psycho here and there is healthy. It’s dangerous, enthralling, and you never know what’s going to happen next. We all know a friend who’s gotten in too deep with a nutbag. Here are tips to navigate around your buddy’s psycho relationship. 

1. Encouragement/Subtle Sabotage  

Remember, this shit is none of your business, stay out of it. But also he’s your pal, it’s absolutely your business, and you need to save him without him realizing. Whenever she calls seventeen times when you guys are having drinks, clasp him on the shoulder and tell him, “Don’t worry, we’ve all HAD one of those.” It’s imperative to use past tense here. Subtly refer to her only as his “wife”. So he can sit there and ponder if this is what he wants to do for the rest of his life.  We’re close to getting married, which means we’re not far from divorce. Try to save half his shit while you still have the chance. 

2. Strip Clubs

Strip Clubs are only cheating if you spend more than one unit. Besides, sometimes it’s the only spot in town playing the fights and there’s nothing we can do about that. I had a buddy who’s girlfriend was on vacation and used to make him call her every night from his house phone AND send a selfie of himself in bed so she knew he was home. We went to the strip club immediately after his check-in. Not exactly out of the woods yet though. Crazy girlfriends love to check your location. Explaining why your bitmoji is outside of Delilah’s Den never goes smoothly. Make sure your buddy goes on airplane mode BEFORE he leaves the house. If she asks, calls, or texts, his phone was dead.

3. In Person Interactions

Be as sweet as pie when you see her. Ask her about her job, family, etc. If she thinks you’re the good guys, she won’t give him as much grief when he’s with the boys. If she causes a scene with your buddy i.e. screaming, hitting, talking shit, scratching, it’s very very important that she doesn’t see you react. You know she already talks shit about his friends, don’t give her any ammo. When she storms out, cause they always do, just give him a little pat on the ass so he knows you’ve got his back. 

4. His Phone

Managing his cell phone is important to the tribe as a whole. Hell hath no fury like a girlfriend going through a dude’s phone. Through trial and error, we’ve got the phone down to a science. If someone’s girl is a liability, it’s imperative that they don’t have any compromising photos in the camera roll. If you must keep them, get one of those secret apps or email them to yourself. As far as the group chat goes, name it something obscure like “Uncle Joe”. If she gets her hand on the inbox, odds are she’s glossing over Uncle Joe.

5. Negative Reinforcement 

This one takes a delicate hand. Pay attention to what he hates about her and find a way to constantly bring it up. Like if she’s crazy AND white, statistically speaking, she probably can’t cook. That’s good, you can work with that. Ask him what’s she’s cooked during the week and then laugh in his face when he gives a pouty answer. 

If all else fails you have to let it run it’s course. Some people, both guys are girls, are just into crazy. If you get too involved it could cost you a friendship. Plus it’s none of your fucking business. But also, he’s your buddy, it’s absolutely your business, and you need to save him without him realizing. 

And NEW Pub Crawl Champion Of The Worrrlldd

That’s the smirk of a world champion if I’ve ever seen one. Matt Ellis, the legend himself, has set the Guinness World Record for most bars visited in a 24 hour span. 51 pubs (bars) in 8 hours 32 minutes and 37 seconds. An impressive feat…. or is it?

First of all, this apparently all took place St. Peots, Cambridgeshire which is certainly not a real place. Then when I found out he was only consuming 4.2 ounces per stop I thought, what a puss. Without realizing that full beers would’ve meant putting down 51 cold ones almost certainly hospitalizing him. Ok, so 1/3 beers, 51 times = 17 beers. Not terrible, right? Wrong. This fraud, yes I said it, admitted to mostly sticking to orange juice and diet soda during his “conquest”. What the fuck is the point of that? Might as well done a McDonald’s crawl if you’re stick to juice and DCs. 

I would smoke this fool. Wipe that smirk right off Matt Ellis’ face. Not only would I crush 51 bars in 8 hours, 32 minutes, and 37 seconds, but I’d do it right. 6 oz. per stop, 25 and a half beers. Guaranteed. My bladder ain’t worth a shit, but eight hours is a long time. I see a world record in my near future. Somebody give Guinness a call. 

Demi Lovato Believes “Aliens” Is Derogatory Towards Extraterrestrial

In the first ever theoretical political correctness campaign that I can think of, Demi Lovato has instructed the public that it’s offensive to say “aliens” when referring to, well, aliens. Little green guys, big heads, long fingers, we’ve been mislabeling them this entire time. Even though the definition for alien is a foreigner, and you can’t be more foreign than off-planet. The ETs have yet to comment. 

This hot take is coming on the heels of Demi’s docuseries, “Unidentified”, where they and their friends go searching for aliens. I watched the trailer and immediately had to check if it was meant as a “mockumentary”. If Demi was fucking with us this entire time it would be a move I would respect the hell out of, but unfortunately that isn’t the case. They are dead serious about contacting aliens. 

There’s a four minute clip where Demi claims to have made contact with the alie- sorry, extraterrestrials. I was hysterical throughout the entire thing. Demi is talking to a beeping box which they claim is a “starperson” named Carmen. With a shockingly Italian originated name, Carmen confesses to the singer that she also has trauma involving men and doesn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone but Demi. As our unappointed human ambassador, Demi gives a quick rendition of “Skyscraper” as our first peace offering between our two species. I mean, how lucky can these starpeople possibly get? 

For some reason no one is talking about the biggest moment in human history. We have made peaceful first contact. That, or maybe, just maybe, Demi Lovato was talking to a plastic box in a dark room where they made up a fake conversation based off of nothing but static. The absolute best part is you can clearly tell Demi believes it. It never even crossed their mind that they were in an empty room talking to absolutely nobody. Cmon on Demi, what’re you on crack? I’m sorry…I… it was only meant as a figure of speech. 

Let’s All Agree To Ban Thank You Cards

I’ve written thank you cards twice in my lifetime. Once after confirmation and the other after my high school graduation. I remember both days vividly even though they were 10 and 14 years ago. My arm cramped up no matter how much I shook it, my mom yelled at me the entire time, and I couldn’t help thinking how pointless it all was. 

I got a thank you card today for a wedding that I attended in August. I opened it up, read the handwritten inscription, and opened the garbage to throw it out. 

My mom right on queue: “No no no! What’re you doing?!” 

“I read it and now I’m throwing it out.”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Would you rather I held onto it until we move out of this house?”

She ripped the card from my hand, read it herself, and because she has literally never seen the couple in her entire life commented on how pretty the bride is. The card is now hanging up on the refrigerator. 

Was I wrong for trying to throw out the thank you card? What’s the shelf life one of these? At what point does someone feel comfortable enough to say yes, the thank you has run it’s course throw it out. I got it, I read it, it served it’s purpose. Message received. What the fuck is the point of having a whole drawer of thank you cards? It’s amazing my mother has room to hang up pictures of her grandchildren with all the thank you cards she must be hoarding.  

Thank you cards are traditional, they’re polite, they’re outdated and a waste of time. We started writing these things because that’s how we used to communicate. Like a hundred fucking years ago. You don’t see me removing my cap and I’ve never once seen a curtsy? Because we don’t say hello like that anymore. Why are we holding on to thank you cards? Probably Hallmark.

Just because something is simpler doesn’t make it informal. If you ever need to thank me for something, save your arm strength. A text will suffice. If I get a thank you card I’ll only be thinking “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing?” If a thank you is sincere, it’s sincere. The message is important, not the outlet. 

Meet America’s Real Life Doc Brown

Salvatore Pais recently found himself on my radar due to this article from science-news. Dr. Pais rose to the forefront of the nerd world earlier this year for his theoretical inventions famously dubbed “The UFO Patents” for the US Navy. One is even rumored to be a “Spacetime Modification Weapon”, which sounds a whole lot like time travel to me. 

A quick wiki search will detail some of Dr. Pais other known patents. They’re a bit science-y but luckily I can translate each patent into terms we can all recognize. 

“A ‘high fractional gravitational wave generator’ that may be used ‘for advanced propulsion, asteroid disruption/deflection, and communications through solid objects.’” = hyperspace jumping and Death Star laser beam. 

“An ‘electromagnetic field generator and method to generate an electromagnetic field.’ The principal stated application of which is to deflect asteroids that may hit Earth. The patent is assigned to the US Secratary of the Navy.” = fuckin forcefields.

“A ‘craft using an inertial mass reduction device’, one embodiment of which could be a high speed ‘hybrid aerospace/undersea craft’ able to ‘engineer the fabric of our reality at the most fundamental level’, the patent application for which was supported by The Naval Aviation Enterprise’s chief technical officer on the grounds that the Chinese military were already developing similar technology.” = Millenium Falcon.

“A ‘plasma compression fusion device’ described by ‘Popular Mechanics’ as a ‘compact nuclear fusion reactor’ that ‘seemingly stretches the limits of science.’” = Flux capacitor. 

“A ‘piezoelectricity-induced room temperature superconductor’ with the function of enabling ‘the transmission of electrical power with no losses.’ The Institution of Engineering and Technology commented that no evidence was presented to show that the device worked and that the highest temperature superconductors so far created worked at around -70 *C.” = Shitty AC unit? Not sure about this one but nobody bats a thousand. 

The way I see it, there’s two possibilities. The first one being that none of these things are real and they were  leaked to freak China and Russia the fuck out. The second is they’re all real and a sci-fi type future is within reach. Today, we wonder how the world could have possibly overlooked a mind like Nikola Tesla’s in his time. It’s because Edison was the politician. Stop watching Elon and pay attention to Salvatore Pais.