Things You Should Never Think Or Say

It’s a dangerous time for thinking and saying things. The c-word is always lurking around the corner. I mean “cancel” of course, I would never say cunt. I won’t point out the obvious ones. Because if you already think or say them, you deserve to catch one in the sucker. For the safety of your soul I’ve assembled some more obscure things you should avoid. Never think or say these things, I know I won’t be. 

-If you see someone who looks really good at a wake or funeral you should never say, “Hey you look great, people in your family should die more often.” 

-Dissociative personality disorder is a serious disease. You know, like in the movie Split. Never wonder if all those people are faking it and are in way too deep now to turn back. 

-If someone’s showing you conspiracy Tik Toks where the person says “I love my life, I would never hurt myself, if I’m found dead it’s because I was murdered.” You should never say “Wouldn’t it be funny if they actually were the ones who did it just to make conspiracy people go crazy?”
-Don’t think about how the North Sentinelese are fake tough guys who really don’t want the smoke. 
-If someone tells you that they got a restraining order on their ex because they threatened to murder them, never say “If they’re actually capable of homicide do you think a piece of paper is going to stop them?”
-Don’t ever think that the New Zeland Haka rituals are played out. 
I would never think or say the things above, and neither should you. Ever. It doesn’t matter if use comedy as a crutch, not everything’s a joke. You need to pray more and think and say less.